Marriage 101 For Men
Tumie Modise | Monday September 15, 2014 13:08
But one thing is crystal clear; if ever there was a group of people on this earth with a difficult existence, then its married men. World wide divorce statistics can attest to this. Curiously, this serious matter is often left to just a handful of players; being the couple, the parents, the law, and in some rare cases, God. Marriage, according to the good book, is a good thing and the good book also pronounces, in no uncertain terms, that it’s taboo for a man to live alone. Thankfully, the book only singles out men and spares the rest.
This discussion, as many others, was mainly about men as well as the role they play in a family set up. It is perhaps worth noting that from the moment a Motswana boy is born, the poor boy immediately finds himself in some big trouble. Society and family immediately place high expectations on the boy. It starts with the name. There is always a big deal concerning a boy’s name; either the names have meanings, are inherited or even both. The expectations are just unbelievably high and the path is almost always pre determined.
Everyone growing up in a male-led family would understand this. Poor men, (and it does not matter whether they excelled or failed) once they finish school, difficult questions start rolling in. If it is not ‘o bereka kae, o agile kae, koloi ya gago e kae?’, then it’s the popular ‘o nyala leng?. This thought crossed my mind again only a few months ago at a relative’s wedding. As is customary at most villages, the traditional part of the wedding is often the very first hurdle.
If one overcomes this one, the others will just be a breeze. The hardest part though, is that this part of the celebration usually takes place at the main kgotla and that is where the greatest test lies. The most bizarre thing about this whole experience is that truly speaking, before a man marries, he is only still a child! The age at that point doesn’t matter at all in our traditional set up, culturally you are only a child (mosimane), what’s worse, you are even addressed as such!
Without getting into what actually goes on at kgotlas (its taboo), the long and short (and irony) of it, is that by the time a boy decides to marry, the assumption at that point is that one has already graduated into a man, or at least is serious about it. But the greatest irony of it all is that while you shall be referred to as a boy at the time, the questions you are expected to answer are those usually reserved for men. ‘Mosimane, a o agetse mosadi?” is always the first, especially where I am from. They even make you produce a title deed as proof, but more on that some other time. Looking at today’s ever changing world and our ever evolving cultures and traditions, perhaps it is time someone produced a local ‘boys to men manual’. It makes business sense too. Here is what I would contribute to that self help golden book, as all women should;
* Before getting married, move out of your parent’s house!
* You are not Bill Gates but have an income or a at least a farm
* Bogadi will never be abolished
* You are not an action movie star, no violence on your family or pets
* A lot of responsibilities come with marriages, going out every weekend is not one of them
* Terms and conditions apply in marriages and are enforced by law
* You are the family teddy bear, a comforting arm
* Women have 25 different emotions, you can be one of them
* Your in-laws will always be part of the deal, they are non-negotiable
* You are going to be the new MC at your in-law’s occasions, sad or happy. It’s an honour and not a punishment
* Protect your wife from your family, they ALWAYS poke and pick fights( especially the females)
* A man can never be broke, even children know that
* Men change after marriage, women just adjust
* God is everything, the devil hates marriages.
* Break one rule, you break them ALL.
Anybody there, want to get married?