Pay attention to personal relationships
George Chingarande | Monday September 8, 2014 12:40
It is that personal relationships run the world. Presidents may govern and execute judgments and make very important decisions; but without them realising it and without them giving their informed consent; they are like all other people ruled by personal relationships.
Personal relationships are an often neglected topic and yet are the very axis upon which our lives revolve. Personal relationships are about connecting; more specifically connecting with other people and then leveraging those connections. In seeking to establish connections with people there are some important things to remember. We discuss some of them below.
Be authentic.
It is very difficult to bluff your way to a meaningful connection. People have a sixth sense that helps them tell whether you are genuine or fake. Whenever you are genuine your efforts to connect will be reciprocated. You must always remember that the only connections that work will be the ones that you truly care about. It is far better to try not to connect that to fake interest in someone.
Provide Massive Help.
How may I help you is one of the most underrated statements. The truth is that people are people regardless of who they are, what their position is and what they have achieved in life. Even the most powerful people and the most unlikely of people need help.
Naturally we all gravitate favourably towards people who help us and become alienated and estranged to people who make things difficult for us.
Everyone can do with a helping hand in whatever they are trying to achieve, and who offers that hand will curry both favour and influence. Too many people never reach out to those above them due to the fear that they wouldn’t be able to offer anything in return.
You are of more help to people around you than you will ever realise. We spend a significant amount of our time operating in groups and yet we live as individuals with individual needs. We must always remember that the group is a collection of individuals. And each of those individuals have their own needs, wants, and desires. When you understand what individuals need and you strive to fulfill those needs, you improve the ability to reach your goals and the stronger the connection becomes.
Connect With Yourself
Charity begins at home. Many people sleep-walk through life without paying much attention to themselves or what they are doing. It is very difficult to succeed in paying attention to others and connecting with them if you are not connected to yourself. Understand yourself and develop confidence in your skills, knowledge, and ability to share those with other people. Don’t neglect yourself. As Maya Angelou famously said you need to be wary of people who say they love you when they do not love themselves. In much the same way people who are not connected to themselves have difficulties connecting with other people; while people who do not value themselves cannot value the relationships they create with other people.
Pay Ridiculous Attention.
The first step to connecting with anyone in a meaningful way is to pay attention. Human beings thrive when attention is placed firmly upon them. Studies have shown that babies who receive attention develop faster than those who receive no attention.
Something as simple as a touch given regularly; has been shown to make a significant difference in the growth and development of a baby. We are creatures of attention. We may not always realise it but we are always looking for a theater where we can showcase the best side of ourselves while others watch.
Whoever pays genuine attention to what we are doing and develops real interest in us, by default forms a bond with us. You connect with people better when you know their names, history, dreams, goals, wants, needs, and desires. As a leader, you need to balance your needs with the needs of others. This does not come automatically but requires paying ridiculous attention and making ridiculous effort. Most opportunities become known not through reading or listening to advertisements but through connections, and especially connections of connections. Effective networking is a critical success factor for success in life. Do not just connect with your prime significant targets, but also connect with the other people in their network. As your circle of friends and mutual connections increases so does your social capital. While common friends are to be made; common enemies are a phenomenon to be wary about. Don’t inherit enmity. If your friend hates someone; it does not follow that you should also hate that person.
Value people as they are; warts and all, without being condescending. The truly great people are those that make other people feel that they too deserve greatness and that greatness is within their reach. We all want to feel important. It is a human need. And when people make us feel important, we tend to want to spend more time with them thus strengthening our connections.
Finally always make sure that you remain relevant and you are in their memory. A casual acquaintance can be turned into golden opportunity.
Connections are developed even through chance meetings, but they need effort to maintain. Old connections are like embers; unless frequently attended to they quickly die down and beget ashes. Some of the people that would be useful to you right now are people you last spoke to many years ago. And when you need them; and realise that you need them; you also suddenly realise that you have been neglecting them and you find it a little harder to approach them.
You must always have a strategy to keep the embers glowing. You must devise ways of standing out in the minds of the people that you connect with. Put yourself squarely in their thoughts. Whatever you do; just remember that personal relationships run the world.