What is borderline personality disorder?

| Wednesday August 13, 2014 12:40

 

See things in a polarised or “black and white” way. To such a person, things appear as either; right/wrong, friend/enemy, trustworthy/deceitful, success/failure, good/bad, while ignoring the middle ground. 

*Bontle is a 15 year old student who has worked very hard for months. She has her heart set on getting the best speaker award. Upon receiving the scores for the competition, Bontle discovers that she did not scoop the best speaker award. Bontle feels devastated, inspite of the fact that she performed impressively well during the competitions. She thinks to herself, “what a waste of time and effort! All that sacrifice for  nothing!   Bontle is unable to see the middle ground- although she did not get her desired award, her overall work was very good. Consequently, Bontle becomes unnecessarily distressed and self-critical, no matter how much her peers try to comfort her.

A person with polarised thinking is unable to recognise that most situations neither fall under the ‘distinction’ category nor the ‘disastrous’ category, but somewhere in between. Polarised thinking is therefore, distorted. This type of thinking is particularly common among people with perfectionist traits.

In the example above, when Bontle did not get the best speaker award, she thought her future in debating was ruined. By assuming that anything other than the best speaker position is totally unacceptable, Bontle does not recognise the fact that she has many other options that could also lead to favourable outcomes in the near future. Very young children also have their own way of seeing things as black and white, but this is normal, considering their developmental stage.

They would even go to the extent of telling you, “if you don’t buy me that toy, you are not my friend”.

 

Impulsive behaviors that are potentially self-damaging:

Bontle’s stress causes her to start using harmful substances and gets some disturbing tattoos.

Bontle’s involvement with harmful substances causes her to start bunking school. Her academic performance begins to go on a downward spiral.

 

Oppositional

defiant behaviors:

Bontle has two categories for her acquaintances; good and bad. Since she lost the best speaker award, Bontle has added the judges (who are also her teachers) to her ‘bad’ list and no longer likes them. Bontle continues to be a member of the school debating society, but this time for the wrong reasons. Her polarised thinking causes her to continue attending the debating sessions just to cause distractions, such as bullying other students and selling drugs to them. Bontle surely resents her teachers and is taking that out on anybody who participates in the school debating club.

 

Overgeneralising:

When somebody overgeneralises, they draw negative conclusions about themselves, other people and life situations on the basis of limited evidence. Often, one experience is all it takes for someone with BPD to start thinking in terms such as; ‘always,’ ‘never’ and ‘everybody’.

During the earlier stages of Bontle’s childhood, her father passed on, leaving her with her mother and two siblings. Bontle’s mom, being left as a sole provider, really works hard to make ends meet. Bontle, on the other hand, has never really dealt with her grief, and this later manifests into her overgeneralised outlook on life. She often finds herself thinking, “life has never really been fair to me,” and; “whenever I try to do something good, the world always pulls me down.”

 

Over personalising:

When we personalise, we blame ourselves for things that are not our fault or we incorrectly assume that other people’s responses are directed at us. People with BPD over personalise life situations.

Bontle has started to bully other children at school, especially in the debating club because she thinks they have teamed up with the teachers against her. She is becomes anxious at the slightest perceived abandonment in a relationship. Lesego, Bontle’s classmate, felt offended when her teacher shouted at her over some minor issue. Although initially she took it personally, Lesego subsequently made peace with the teacher when she realised that her teacher was under a huge amount of stress, and that the angry outburst reflected the teacher’s vulnerable state. Although, it is not the children’s responsibility to carry their teachers’ burdens, Lesego is one of those children who has a positive outlook on life.

People with BPD often have a history of grief, abuse and abandonment, particularly in childhood years. When they come for counseling, we do not treat the symptoms, we deal with the root cause of the described behavior. Similarly, if you destroy the roots of a tree, the whole tree is gone, but if you prune one branch the tree would still flourish. Without an evidence based intervention, such people are prone to choose behaviors that are destructive to the self and others.

N.B. Bontle’s story is fictitious. It was created for the sole reason of describing some of the behavioral patterns of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. Counseling is confidential and under no circumstances would I reveal a client’s identity.

 

*Victoria Seiketso Sethibe is a practicing teacher and a school counselor