The anus is upon you
Barolong Seboni | Friday July 11, 2014 12:54
For a long time her husband was nicknamed “Deadwood” because of that, but this had to change when senior government officials appropriated this sobriquet and completely monopolised it.
The fellowship at the Nitty Gritty reluctantly gave up in order to avoid confusion between said ex-husband and senior government officials. They found solace in another popular saying- “Who the cap fits, let them wear it.”
“Anyway,” reasons Ausi Maggie, “the bugger is far away in Orapa and I’m living and enjoying my life.
I have derecognised the bugger so let’s not talk about him too much. The poor man’s ears di tloga di baba and he doesn’t have the strength nor energy to scratch the itch. Trust me I know.”
“Can I say something, to someone somewhere about somewhat?” says Smooch, trying very hard to sound desperate. “Can somebody please give me a beer!”
Ausi Maggie disappears into the kitchen momentarily and then resurfaces with a can of lager and a glass, just as Walkie says, “Aa rra, you are still here. I thought you were going to South Africa to get stock for your Chinese bosses.”
“Yes and no,” is the curt response.
“Yes and no ya bo e le eng bathong! It’s either you have gone or you haven’t gone!”
“Heela, ga o itse? This guy Smooch is now on his own, it’s been two, three months. He only works for the Chinese part time now. They don’t know of course that he is doing his own thing on the sly. Plus he has that witch doctor’s surgery.”
“Ware on the sly? I’m not doing anything on the sly. Everything that I do is strictly above board!” says Smooch coolly.
“Ya, but hakere you are using their name and their sources and contacts to order your stock and they know nothing about it. So o a ba knocka,” insists Nikita. “I’m not knocking anybody, least of all Machaena.
I have been working for those guys faithfully and loyally for five years, now it’s time for me to open my own business. I am using their sources but I pay for the stock with my own money. That is not illegal at all.”
As usual Chicken rallies to his rescue. “Is waar, plus antlyk the anus is upon them to prove gore there’s something illegal. Not when he is mos using his own geld om te betaal for the stock!”
Walkie simply cannot contain herself.
“Shee batho, gatwe anus! I’m sure you meant to say honours.”
“Nee man, not honours, Ek mean anus, anus… the anus is upon them to prove otherwise!”
“Eh… if I may be permitted to make a minor correction here. I am sure both of you are trying to pronounce onus,” asserts Nikita.
“Own us? You say ‘own us’? Nee, that’s not what I was trying to say. I know they own smooch but mina I am my own boss. Ek is self employed and nobody owns me. It’s the thing that I am always telling you people maar you don’t listen,” says Chicken emphatically.
“I give up!”
“Ya, you better. Ons is nie Europeans hier so where you hierd for donkey plus 10 years running after funny degrees while we were in the struggle! Now you have the degrees and you still have to run again after a job. Jack of degrees and a Masters in unemployment.”
“You, Chicken? In the struggle? You wouldn’t know an AK47 if it hit you in the face you reactionary sell out!”
“Ooo, listen to him. Ware AK47? What are you talking about now? It’s that Vodka that you drink without sponge to dilute, that makes you talk like that. Lyster hier so, I never said I was robbing banks, I said I was in the struggle. Ware AK47?”
“What movement were you in gosiame? Did you affiliate with any party?”
“I was moving from place to place struggling to survive apartheid jong. There was no time for parties ek se! I was in the fast movement!”
“Hei, kana problem jaanong ke affiliate. Yu will have to explain that word as well” says Tshini, trying very hard not to laugh.
“The struggle for language continues unabated!”