Gaborone Mayor should get Russian bodyguards
Thalefang Charles | Friday June 13, 2014 15:15
Rough precious diamonds are now sold right here in Gaborone. These are not some blood diamond transactions in an illegal mine elsewhere in Africa with bloodshot eyes ‘sightholders’ carrying rubberband strapped AK47 and stacks of dirty US dollars, where a deal could find you being literally fed to the hyenas, this is Gaborone. GC. Gabs. Magheba. The Capital City of Botswana, that gem of a country that eluded the imperialists hidden under the arid harsh Kgalagadi Desert.
Man, those mineral sucking imperialists never even became suspicious when we told them to leave us alone and give us independence on this barren land.
Back in the days, we didn’t know what to do with our pretty stones so after years of “katelang” (hide) by our visionary forefathers, we eventually invited some lenient investors or imperialists (depending on the colour of your beret) to come and mine our stones and give us our cut. We made a white man our partner and obviously we made him rich but we did not lose that much. Our white partners did a pretty job of coining the phrase, “A diamond is forever” - this saying helped us to continue to make money from the stones – forever.
After 40 years of mining these stones, we won a marathon negotiations battle and reached a settlement requiring our partner to come and sell our diamonds from our little dusty city - Gaborone. Don’t worry they now know how to pronounce it properly.
You see our diamonds used to be taken to London where they were sold in our absence at a price we didn’t even know and we were just given our share. We didn’t even know how they sold them.
I guess we were still doubtful, that these white men must be the best con artists alive. How could they make so much money out of stones?
So now the grandchildren of Sechele and Khama are wiser and sophisticated. They know that diamonds is big business and they want to salvage what is left of these gems underneath their desert lands.
We have said to De Beers, at least show us how you sell our diamonds. Obviously the grand plan is to learn and localise everything and ultimately go solo in this gem business.
It is therefore time to have leaders who act like they can sell diamonds. And we have to start with the Gaborone mayor.
The incumbent is not playing ball. He might have come with a preposition of “A Diamond City”, but he is just too ingenuous to lead such a city.
He lacks the modern diamond swagger. Recently he was in tears on radio stations and social media saying he is boycotting the Opening Ceremony of Africa Youth Games in Gaborone because he was not put in the programme. They just ignored him showing how powerless and irrelevant he is.
But he has himself to blame. He delayed on his grand plan to turn Gaborone into a diamond city.
He should have long donated his old mayoral chain to the museum and received a new diamonds’ laced chain. He must shine bright with diamonds. So with a diamond chain he would have required 24hr security with a team of armed bodyguards. Bodyguards that include white men (Russians).
This is very important, not just because I like it when white men work as guards for black men, but because it adds some class and respect for the guarded black man.
He should be chauffeured in black cars with heavily tinted windows and blue lights. Those blue lights mean power and respect.
Your Worship, you need suits – dark colours only.
Tailor made, not from these chainstores – remember you are not selling vehicle insurance packages but the Gaborone mayor. Shirts must be strictly white or blue.
No other colour – not like pastors from fire churches. Black shoes, (not white socks please, Michael Jackson died in 2011).
To work on your reputation, Mr Mayor you must keep alcohol. Finest matured and multiple filtered whiskeys, gins, vodkas and brandys from cold countries.
You should host annual sightholders functions where you would offer these diamantaries the finest liquors.
This function should be exclusive, strictly by invitation, and only the cream of the diamantaries should make the list.
If Regina Vaka and Tuelo Serufho knew you had such an exclusive event, you would have been top on the podium list.
Then again why do you beg to give speeches? That’s not sophistication. A Diamond City must have a sophisticated mayor.