Diaries of a single mother� part 1

Tumie Modise | Monday June 23, 2014 11:44

On mother’s day, which also falls on a Sunday, only love and affection filled the air. Mothers beamed with pride, sons and daughters went out of their way just to make their mothers feel special. The ones, who due to life’s circumstances have lost their mothers, were not to be left behind. Moving and sweet tributes were made in their remembrance.

It so happens that every year on Father’s Day, a battle of some sort ensues between men and women. As is the norm, this year the tributes started rolling in especially through social media.

Speaking of social media, if we are not careful, we will soon lose our lives to this medium, if that isn’t already the case! Thanks to this medium, personal interaction has become a thing of the past!

People take to social media on a whim, even about the most mundane of things; such as having a craving or about taking a 30 minute quick nap! For most addicts, every single moment of their lives is worthy of being shared with the whole world.

 So it was on that Sunday that everyone started paying tribute to fathers. Some went further and even posted pictures of their fathers along with sweet tributes.

Not to be left behind, I did my part and paid my dues to my father and all other fathers in the world. Shortly after that, World War 3 began. From nowhere, as if on some spiteful mission, some ladies started posting selective tributes in unison.

Like an avalanche, the almost identical messages started appearing from all corners! Sometimes ladies act like time bombs just waiting to explode at every moment! I felt sorry for the men, who were at this point mostly speechless.

Ladies posted and pointed out that their tributes were directed to ‘real’ men only and as they refer to them, the ones who ‘step up’ to their roles as fathers.

In their unprovoked attacks, they made it very clear that that some men had no right to celebrate the day, let alone call themselves fathers! 

I swear, I do not recall anything like that happening on mother’s day. I do not recall anyone bashing ‘useless’ mothers (and such women do exist) or any talks of sorry excuses for mothers. Just like on Christmas day, the spirit of goodwill prevailed throughout that day.

My question is, why do women do this? Why do they always take every opportunity to bash men? Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as a perfect man! Knights in shining armor and supermen only exist in fairytales.

They are just imaginary. Nobody is perfect and sadly that also applies to men. For a bunch of women (yours truly included), a good number of them have long figured out men and have long learnt to live with their shortcomings, warts and all. Men are just cut from a different sack, period.

Fact: Without sounding disrespectful, everyone who understands men will tell you that most are mostly clueless when it comes to children and are often too happy acting like children themselves (playing truant every weekend, thinking they are dying when they have a cold, playing with toy cars and play stations).

To most of them, children are ‘small people’ in the house. They see them moving around the house at intervals and that is where it ends.

I got involved in a few debates about the significance of father’s day and on whether it is justifiable for all men to be getting recognition on this day. Truth be told, I believe that every single man who ever sired a child should get a pat on this day, and any other day if that is possible!

Most ladies cried foul at my suggestion. To them, father’s who abandon their children and the ones who often drag their feet should never get any accolades on the day. But how is that going to help them become good fathers, I ask? I was reminded by some of how some men have for some years not seen their own children, let alone just give them the occasional phone call.

One even reminded me of all those helpless women who spend the whole day on court benches at magistrate courts every month just to force the absentee father to support their children. I have seen those women myself; I have seen the anger, the despair and even heard the curses.

By all accounts, the experience is the most humiliating experience anyone can ever endure in their life time. But I still think that all men still deserve to be praised on father’s day. Where threats are not working, encouragement is the best option.

I argued too that most men, even some married ones, are simply clueless on how to become fathers. While ante-natal classes and our mothers teach us how to become good mothers, sadly there is no manual on how to be good fathers!