Is �foreign love� better?

Keletso Thobega | Thursday June 12, 2014 19:35

Being in the public eye catapulted her to something of a local “celebrity”. With that came interest in her love life. Some Batswana looked at her as a masekanta (a woman who sings and performs on stage for a living).

There’s a stereotype that “artsy” women are loose and wild, not suited for marital bliss. Who marries a woman who shakes her waist, wiggles her crotch and does forward flips for excitable crowds, right? Wrong.

The “marriage material” argument holds no water. There is no standard profile of a woman better suited for marriage. However, in our communities’ women who are simple, sombre or traditional are perceived as better suited to be wives.

It’s no wonder that some people were surprised when Slizer got married to an apparently wealthy South African man. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last long. After less than three years the pretty lass threw in the towel and trekked back home. She’s quite candid about sharing details of her personal life with the media. In a recent interview with a local publication Slizer reportedly divulged that her marriage broke down because her ex-husband wanted her to be a housewife. If that’s the case, I applaud her for steadfastly refusing to be drowned by marriage and shelving her dreams. When she shared news of her divorce it was also revealed that she has found love again in the arms of a Zimbabwean man.

What’s with her and foreigners? Some people asked. When I read comments on social media and local news sites I was taken aback by the insults and criticism directed her way. Some individuals even suggested she settle down with a local man and stop “embarrassing” us while others fell short of labeling her a slut. 

Look, sometimes one has to kiss a lot of frogs before finding their ‘Prince Charming’. Hers is a familiar situation to even those who judge her. The only difference is that she’s in the public eye. I think she’s better than some women stuck in miserable love-less situations, or are low self-esteemed spoilers who can’t find a devoted man and get a kick out of seducing other women’s men and breaking up relationships. She is much better than some ladies who are merely concubines, side-chicks or one-night stands. At least she met a man who saw a keeper in her. Her preference for foreign men is a personal choice; men are just men!

Added to that, Botswana has a small population...Some of our single brothers are notorious for being skirt chasers, gold diggers, alcoholics, abusive or irresponsible; all undesirable qualities which leave women with a limited pool to choose from. While more locals are looking across the border for love, this doesn’t seem to sit well with some Batswana who are critical of such partnerships. I recall Oneal received a lot of slack for running off with a Tanzanian girl.

When a Motswana is dating or married to a foreigner, it’s sometimes assumed that individual is snubbing his/her own people, that the foreigner is looking for citizenship or the local is desperate for economic benefits (not that that this doesn’t happen). It’s not a mentality exclusive to Botswana; other nations and tribes aren’t quite appreciative of people dating across the cultural, religious or tribal line. Xenophobic bias often stems from primitive thought patterns, insecurity and ignorance.

Unfortunately it doesn’t occur to common thinking people that many couples simply love each other; individuals usually gravitate towards people they like and share interests with. Thankfully, some Batswana are cosmopolitan because they have been exposed to different people so with the exception of bias here and there, there’s a general tolerance for relationships that cut across nationality, tribe, culture, religion and race.

On the flipside, interestingly, most women and men I have met who are married to or dating foreigners often rave how their catches are more caring, attentive, responsible, unassuming and loyal. Of course this is a vague generalization but could it be the reason some Batswana are looking across borders and seas for love? Perhaps Charma Gal was onto something when she sang: Mama ntshware nna ke sia le matebele!