Assassinations and bombs in Botswana! No, rather talk about boloi

Keletso Thobega | Thursday May 22, 2014 11:26

You see, Batswana are peaceful people who detest strife and struggle. Most of them are simple beings happy with booze, an affectionate lover by their side and nice time. Anything that requires too much thought and discomfort is not to their liking. These talks of assassinations are unsettling Batswana.

Instead of abating our people’s fears, opposition led by their camp master Duma Boko fuel mixed feelings and sow seeds of division and mistrust. What they are doing is like when a man proposes a woman and instead of selling himself as a better suitor, rather bad mouths other men. He tells her all sorts of insane stories with the hope that she will endear to him. If she is stupid, she will believe him. However, a smart woman will see through the act, smile and quietly ignore the fool! That’s the case with Batswana. It’s not like we can’t see that we are treated like dim wits.

Let me tell you dear intelligent reader, if our government wanted to kill anyone they would have done it ages ago. They also wouldn’t have publicized it. You see, weird things have happened, others have been eaten by lions and others died in a hail of bullets – no one told us, it was a surprise and shock.  A

n enemy does not expose itself. I can bet you dear readers have enemies… Some you don’t even know are your enemies… Others you suspect are enemies. But your enemy is almost always the person you least suspect would be your enemy. Enemies often get closer, so that they can bring you down properly. Sometimes your biggest enemy is the one you wake up with in the morning!

A real enemy would never reveal themselves… Boko suffers delusions of self grandiose. In his mind he is perhaps the best thing that has happened to Batswana since Independence and Malutu. This is the same man who claimed he was offered millions to join the ruling party. He thought we believed he would turn down millions. Okho! Now they want to kill him? He is a man of many stories. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knows where the important laptop is! He is also out of touch with reality and Batswana. He is coming with high class tendencies, of assassinations. Here in Botswana, those things are alien to us. We see them on television, read about them in newspapers and novels. They intrigue us because we don’t know them.  

If Boko had said that someone is bewitching him, he would have attracted more attention and interest. Ke a loiwa, ke jeseditwe, baa nkolopa…ke tsone dipuo tsa Batswana ba di itseng! In that case, some Batswana would have offered to take him to a good witchdoctor.

Knowing Batswana, everyone would insist their juju man is the best, even those with worn out shoes. Others would take him to Moshupa where I understand the best witchdoctors are found. It’s also home to the best korobela. Apparently when you put in for your man’s food, he will never leave you. Instead he will give you his whole salary and wind up washing your panties! In Kanye, I understand you can buy lightening in a plastic bag. If he wants a thokolosi, he can trek to Serowe. Perhaps he can go to Kgalagadi if he wants to make someone mad or rush to Bobonong where they can turn someone into a matholwane. If not, I can take him home to Molepolole, where he can get a potion of ga le phirime. He can even set off to Malawi where I understand important men have been seen carrying out appeasements stark naked dancing with dead chickens on their heads. Hey, the things people do for power, wealth and “happiness”!

On the flipside, maybe Boko knows something we don’t. He may have visited a powerful witchdoctor who threw bones and exclaimed, Ba batla go go tsamaisa! The witchdoctor may have insinuated that the person behind this is a man with an Afro. Ironically, those in the know allege Boko wants to ally with a man with an Afro! Which is which? Beats me!