Baby showers from hell
Tumie Modise | Monday May 12, 2014 17:05
As a mother myself, even though I have never had a baby shower myself (I’ve always declined), I don’t have anything against mothers or even babies, but still, I just have a phobia for them which borders on hate.
From the little research I’ve done, traditionally, such showers were thrown for NEW mothers. The assumption here was that these new mothers were relatively inexperienced in motherhood.
Furthermore, baby showers were given only for the family’s first child, and only women were invited.
The original intent was for women to share wisdom and lessons on the art of becoming a mother. Thus, the term ‘shower’ referred to the act of showering the mother with new gifts.
Today’s baby showers don’t come anywhere near that, and that’s where my problem lies. More specifically, Batswana seem to have re-written the rules of this practice.
First, unlike the traditional baby shower which was organised by other experienced mothers, lately, anyone, even males can organise baby showers!
Secondly, unlike in the days when baby showers, like bridal showers, were supposed to be surprise showers, today expectant mothers plan such events up to the last detail themselves!
I last attended a baby shower about three years ago. Organised chaos best describes the whole event. The choice of drink at this shower was alcohol, the green bottle type.
A sucker for African time, I arrived late to the event. I was greeted at the gate by a lady, who then quickly ushered me to the back of the house where the event was held. Walking like a VIP, little did I know what awaited me.
When I arrived at the back where everyone was, all eyes turned on me. Soon someone brought out a jug and before I knew it, I was ‘ordered’ to drink the contents of the jug as ‘punishment’ for coming late to the event. I drank it like a big girl; a mixture of wine, milk, oil and vinegar. Afterwards, I was made to dance alone..
The invites to baby showers are usually sent by the ‘organising committee’. The team is usually made up of a group of friends plus a relative or two.
The invite to this shower had all the necessary details including the dates, venue, time and even the baby’s gender.
A week before the event a message was sent to our phones by one of the organisers. The message was short and to the point and was about gifts. It read, “Please note that we shall only accept gifts in the form of Vouchers and Cash. Thank you”.
Turning to the expectant mother, she was seated on a pile of cushions and soft pillows on the floor.
You could not even recognise her. Dressed only in her white robe, she resembled a Boswell Wilkie circus clown.
Somebody had taken the liberty to paint her face with a white and red paint and made her wear Mickey Mouse ear bands on her head for good measure! An obscene necklace was also hanging on her neck and it resembled a goat’s bladder (only it was not) and contained a milky substance..Then there is the issue of guests at these events. The last shower I attended was mostly attended by tertiary and secondary students.
Most of them were just barely out of their teens not even mothers themselves! Yet they were given the leeway to heckle the poor mother with personal, intimate and often uncomfortable questions, most which are x-rated for this piece.
It is my honest belief that some of these showers are nothing but get-rich-quick schemes. How else do you explain veteran mothers with two or more children having baby showers? What is there to ‘teach’ such mothers?
Unless, offcourse, they are bad mothers and need to constantly be reminded of their duties as mothers? Just my thoughts.
The whole idea behind the showers is now all about gifts and nothing else. Just two weeks ago, I overheard a conversation between two sisters at Game store where the mom -to be had ‘instructed’ the guests not only to get Pampers diapers for her baby, but specifically to get the more costly Premium Care ones.
I do not rule out ever attending a baby shower again. In fact, the best part of these showers for me is the food, mostly pap, chakalaka and coleslaw salad.
The trendy ones often go the whole mile and serve hotel-like foods. But I am still aggrieved, I just think some of these showers are way out of line and often resemble shebeens and torture chambers or just out of control nursery schools.