Growing Up � Arrogance and deception
Maya Roze | Tuesday April 8, 2014 11:56
I am feeling somewhat indifferent these days to the epileptic lights, late nights and the naïve clients. It is true that not all my clients are money-mongering but really funny kind people, some are just business people, some are charming, some are rustic and don’t know what they are asking from us as artists or event designers.
Right now I have the option of moaning and complaining about the fairness of the business. The crooked ways behind some clients who are artists themselves and all that bluesy jazz. But I won’t. The point of these posts is a dialogue taking place between me, myself and the reader.
I am bothered, and have always been bothered with the level of arrogance people gain once things look up. It happens in all areas of life and it is a pity. What I wonder even more is if these people ever wonder why not everyone has a big head, bruised ego and messed up attitude. What is worse is how it is worn as if it is something to be proud of- when you’re a fart floating about the air, disturbing everyone who has no choice but to smell you because you are obviously in their face. It makes me so HULK-MAD!
I have a healthy fear of confidence which is not working well for me given the way people mistake my humility and silence for stupidity and meekness. I am talented as are a lot of other people who don’t need to sleep with married men, or sugar daddies and mamichulos; who have decent lives and are taking their time with it. There are people out there living outside boxes, beyond the borders and the world – who think about time, space, self-branding and relationships.
Then there are those who are born with their thumb up their buttocks and are so stiffened up to the idea that the world is to be at their back and call - Confused beings that believe in bullying and lying to get through a predicament. Like a friend said- I believe in karma and that sh*t is bound to bite someone back hard.
There is a liar I know who is toying with young talent. You lie daily and even more so to yourself, without understanding the grave consequences of your actions. He is not like Tswana breed you see- he is possibly worse because he is punishing everyone else for his bad decision-making; someone who is in a position to alleviate the suffering of many artists – well, about 20 young artists who have been waiting since November last year to win a competition. The other day he says he will call me – knowing full well that I was robbed and do not have a phone – so, call me where exactly kante? Thing is he is so used to lying that even current events do not matter to him. People like him are many in the world. Many! They will never change nor will they understand how wrong and disgusting their behaviour is.
So right now, I am looking at a lot of relationships that I have in the industry and some of them have me wondering why they were in my life in the first place. Also, if they serve no purpose do I just discard them or tell them that there is no use and us being friends, because we are not friends. We have nothing in common any longer and therefore have no role in each other’s lives.
What about clients that abuse the work and impact of having you at their place for 8 hours twice a week only to go home with 50bucks at the end of the night. I need money yes. I need to feed my children, get around, get to work, eat and live but at what cost is this all for. Mara fifty pula – ao! Do I look like a naïve 23 year old who still has time to be exploited while finding themselves? Late nights, sometimes not going home and spending the day in yesterday’s clothing – and I call myself a dignified individual. I am still floating around looking needy and disorganised- and so are you. You know why? Because part of our masochistic selves is obsessed with letting people walk all over us. As much as I have identified the yukkiness of the situation right now- I seem unable to find a solution that does not involve me cutting off ties with these useless manipulative people who you somehow need. What do you suggest – a heart to heart over coffee and biscuits, and enraged email reflecting your frustrations – what?!?!?
It is important that we re-evaluate ourselves and the people we engage with – I am going to write down their names, numbers, roles and statuses – a sort of database management system, maybe throw in a money plan to make sure that everyone in my life serves a serious purpose. You should try it. Maybe we will progress easier in life without carrying succumbi around.
Most importantly, define your relationship with your art. If it serves no purpose for you at this particular juncture – then take a chill pill. Attend a show, listen to a new album – not your own, go see a movie or a play - just take a friggin’ break and see what happens.
LIVE FREE GROW YOURSELF – THE ART WILL SEEK YOU ONCE AGAIN.