Monna selepe oa adimanwa!

Keletso Thobega | Monday February 17, 2014 07:11

The common rationalisation of this saying is that a man can keep several female lovers as this apparently reflects his masculinity and virility. This connotation implies that promiscuity is a culturally determined concept. We can sit and debate all day how this saying came about but I vehemently believe it has been taken out of context. 

Some Batswana have lax attitudes towards sexuality, no doubt. The high levels of infidelity, cheating and concurrent multiple sexual relationships in our social landscape, assert this. I have on several occasions overhead some men excitedly saying that: ‘One cannot eat maize meal or rice every day’. It is amazing how promiscuity is justified. So with regard to women I guess it’s a case of, Mosadi ke setlhare wa remiwa! 

I recently listened to a song by Maghebula titled: Gata ka lekeke. The hook goes: ‘Setapa se a lela. Mariga a re jele batho. Ne re itirile dinotshi mo go bone, re ba tlogetse ka lebolela. Fa ba re bona ba tsenya ditlhogo, re jele batho, ne re ja setapa...’ These lyrics reflect the mentality rampant in our social sphere. There’s a curios compulsion to sexual challenge and women are conquests in these encounters, where beds turn into battlefields, and not a place of pleasure and romance. The aim seems to be to prove traditional male superiority although there seems to be an undercurrent of resentment as people can have sex with folk they don’t love or care about; it’s an egocentric ‘itch’ agenda. 

The point of contention is whether women should accept this perception. 

Some people say, ‘you must accept that men cheat...’ But the main reason that many women are affected and infected with HIV/AIDS is because they allow their men to do as they please, hoping that ‘he will come back home.’ Return he will (they always do when they are tired), but he won’t be healthy. 

Some women say: ‘If he uses a condom it’s fine’. But is it really fine or you are making yourself feel better? And surely you are aware that some sexually transmitted diseases are passed on from the skin. 

Now what? I don’t know. What I know is that ‘Monna selepe wa adimanwa’ will give you stress, turn you into an insecure psycho, give you diseases and kill you; a long silent painful death.

Even when the tables are turned, it’s not so ‘cool’ because well, no one wants to be cheated on, not even the biggest cheat on the world.

Selepe is an axe. An axe is a domestic tool that has been used in many homesteads to cut down trees, slaughter animals etc. It’s quite a handy tool (although some people use it hack each other). Traditionally, we expect men to be resourceful and helpful. I personally appreciate active men who are not afraid to get down and dirty, working. Being a man isn’t only about his looks, charm, intellect or the size of his pocket. Monna o bonwa ka ditiro. Real men work to earn an income, care for their loved ones and play a dutiful role in their communities. 

If you have a brother, father, uncle, husband or son who is hard working and resourceful, you are lucky. However, this doesn’t mean that you should be selfish with them. We co-exist as human beings; no man is an island. We’ve all been helped by different people in different situations throughout our lives; therefore we also have a humanely duty to extend assistance where needed. For example, if your neighbours need help with something that requires manpower, you can allow your husband, brother, son or uncle to assist them. That’s what ‘monna ke selepe’ is about. Some men are held back by the women in their lives; wives, girlfriends, mothers etc because of their insecurity. You ought to understand and trust the people in your life enough not to control them. 

In the past men were known to be a crutch in times of need because they could be of service to others without any expectations. That spirit has died. As I’ve said before, chivalry is dead. We now have jerks trying to sleep with everyone, perhaps unaware that this is not an act of heroism but an illness; a sign of psychological and spiritual emptiness, or sexual addiction. A real man uses his hands to work and care for his loved ones not to caress random trembling thighs at every turn!