From penalty shoots to synchronized sweating

Thulaganyo Jankey | Wednesday August 5, 2026 06:00

That is the spiritual whiplash of transitioning straight from a FIFA World Cup into the Commonwealth Games. It is the sporting equivalent of rolling off a CBD party and immediately attending a very polite neighborhood Tupperware meeting. You go from tactical masterclasses on breaking down a low block to deeply analysing the aerodynamics of a lawn bowl or the raw, unadulterated intensity of competitive netball. So who came up with the idea of having Commonwealth games immediately after World Cup? What kind of thinking went into the whole process and what were they really expecting? I can imagine the Commonwealth brains trust having a meeting and agreeing in one voice ‘Yeah let’s have the Commonwealth Games immediately after the World Cup’ and another member of the hallowed committee emphatically agreeing ‘that’s a brilliant idea’.

Immediately after the euphoria of the world cup! Families have been fighting over the remote for a good month and a half and surely they cannot have another round of fights fuelled now by the Commonwealth games.

Let’s be honest: humanity barely survived the 2026 FIFA World Cup. For weeks, living rooms across the globe were active war zones. Marriages were tested by extra-time thrillers, family dinners were scheduled around penalty shootouts and the television remote became a heavily guarded geopolitical asset requiring armed security and a snarling male. Just as the global populace wiped the sweat from their brows, buried the vuvuzelas in the backyard and tentatively reached for the Netflix button to watch a romance movie in peace... boom. Enter the Commonwealth Games.

That is right. Right when you thought it was safe to let your spouse or teenagers watch their own preferred programming, a fresh wave of athletes from former British colonies are warming up on your screen. By the way the Commonwealth games are actually played to prove England can really be good at sport.

So the participants were carefully chosen in the 1800s by the laborious process of occupying their territories and subjugating them and taking their minerals and valuables.

So when those countries realised the folly of buying stuff that is in essence theirs they demanded their independence back. And then they found a way to subtly bring another dimension of dominance – through sport.

The most interesting part of the Commonwealth Games is the sudden, virulent patriotism that infects even the most apathetic household members.

The person who spent the last month complaining that soccer is a waste of time will suddenly transform into an aggressive sports analyst because their home country is currently leading the medal tally fencing. Try suggesting you want to watch a documentary about baking instead and you will instantly be labeled a traitor to the flag.

We don't just watch the Commonwealth Games; we vicariously claim the athletes as if they are blood relatives. When a sprinter from your country wins the 100-meter race by a millisecond, nobody says, 'Oh, look, that individual trained exceptionally hard.' Instead, the living room erupts into chest-thumping tribal triumph: 'THAT'S OUR BOY! WE DID IT!' (As if you personally drove him to the track at 5:00 AM and coached his start blocks).

And just like that, the generational divide melts away. Parents, kids, and even the family dog are united in absolute, unyielding fury that a nation with one-tenth of our population is currently outperforming us in swimming.

Even the most cynical teenager—the one whose entire personality is usually wrapped up in existential apathy, TikTok, and ‘Situation right now’ pixels —will momentarily drop their phone, look at the medal tally on the screen, and mutter ‘Wait, we are beating Jamaica. Okay! Go Bdub’.

Yes, the timing is objectively terrible. We’ve barely wiped the World Cup glitter off our faces, our couches are still indented with the exact shapes of our bodies from extra-time exhaustion, and now we’re staring down the barrel of a multi-sport extravaganza featuring sports we didn’t even know had rules.

True, the scheduling is a mess. But before we throw the television out the window, let’s look at the unexpected, beautiful spinoff benefits the Commonwealth Games gift to our households. For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) *Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email admin@ultimaxtraining.co.bw