INK SPILLS

Thulaganyo Jankey | Wednesday May 13, 2026 06:00

I was instantly an employee of a government department with zero ‘real’ skills, armed only with enthusiasm, questionable time management and the ability to survive on fat cakes and soup.

They gave me a title that suspiciously sounded like it wasn’t anywhere in their establishment register. I remember one colleague hobbled off in horror when I told him my title.

It was the kind of job where you don’t know if you were actually employed or just babysat by adults who didn’t want to hurt your dad’s feelings. I was under no illusions and quickly learnt that ‘temporary’ means ‘until Dad’s friend gets tired of seeing me.’

I tried to look like I belonged in a department 50% of who pretended I was a typo in their perfect sentence. My colleagues were very aware of my skills and experience which registered very low readings in the HR meter.

So my tasks were limited to photocopying documents, answering the phone, buying fat cakes from the corner for my supervisors and being an unwilling accomplice in office gossip. The job also required a high tolerance for getting yelled at.

I wasn’t ready for this. This is the problem with jobs that don’t go through the normal HR process of advertising, shortlisting, interviews and a final decision of whether the interviewing panel liked your face or not. Usually the ad would specify the job description such as specifying the thickness of one’s skin. There was a tough boss. You know the kind of boss that sees your head as nothing more than a mucus dispenser. The one who gives praise once a decade, usually by accident, and believes stapling papers is a strategic skill that requires supervision. That was my supervisor.

There’s an upside to having a job though: I got paid in actual money instead of being compensated in groceries like some medieval barter system. When payday came, my excitement shot up two notches — I was basically vibrating like a phone on silent mode. I immediately started doing a “budget.”

And by budget, I mean a glorified shopping list of things no financial advisor would approve: music, sneakers and random gadgets. Sadly my salary had very short legs and within a week I was back to broke status.

The days of eating in fancy franchised takeaways – had only been three to be precise - quickly disappeared and I was back to the corner stall fighting for fat cakes with experienced folk.

I filled the gaps with loans (from dad and colleagues) and the kind of promises collectors never forget. Clearly, one cannot go far with a salary below minimum wage.

I did get some skills though. The art of nodding wisely when you don’t understand instructions. How to nap in a way that looks like “deep meditation.” I don’t know if these were in line with the job or were more of unintentional spillover skills.

I later on in my life learnt that proper jobs usually have exit interviews. This one didn’t, except on the final day my dad’s friend came to my office – my corner to be precise - and said ‘I liked your enthusiasm’. This basically said to me you provided us with nothing but energy. I was gutted because I had always though my biggest quality is my smarts and not brawn.

My dad gave me a measure of reprieve when he said ‘At least you didn’t get fired.’ (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com)

*Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email admin@ultimaxtraining.co.bw