INK SPILLS

Thuli Jankey | Wednesday April 29, 2026 06:00

This is evidenced by the proliferation of marathons in the country. There are city marathons, bridge marathons, village marathons, marathons to honour chiefs and all sorts of interesting marathons crafted solely to satiate the race-hungry participants. One thing I like about marathons is that everyone can participate. All you really need is the participation fee, legs and a big heart. Of course, the fee ensures you’re financially limping before you even start physically limping. The legs are non-negotiable — though some runners insist theirs are ‘optional’ after 15 kilometres. And the big heart? That’s less about cardiovascular endurance and more about forgiving yourself for signing up in the first place.

A marathon, we’re told, is about grit, endurance, and the noble pursuit of finishing a long, arduous route. But let’s be honest: it’s also the world’s longest fashion show on asphalt. Participants — or should we just call them ‘marathoners’ — spend weeks curating outfits that scream both ‘athlete’ and ‘Instagram influencer.’ Neon shoes brighter than traffic lights, socks that look like superhero gear and headbands that could double as crown jewels. The race itself? Secondary. The real competition is who can look the most effortlessly sweaty while still camera-ready. Water stations become impromptu photo booths, and finish lines resemble red carpets, complete with medal selfies. By the last kilometre, the glam fades into grimaces, but don’t worry — filters exist. Marathons aren’t just about running; they’re about proving that endurance and eyeliner can, in fact, coexist.

Spectators are nonexistent, since everyone is running. The only cheering comes from confused pets, mainly bewildered dogs and cats, and in some cases, like in the previous weekend’s marathon, bunnies left over from Easter. The marathon has essentially become a spectator-free zone, unless you also count the occasional traffic cop wondering why the entire city decided to jog past him. Without fans on the sidelines, runners are forced to cheer themselves on — which leads to surreal scenes of people shouting ‘You got this!’ at their own reflection in shop windows. Our marathoners are really putting in the effort, and they deserve commendation — not just for running, but for surviving the pre-race ritual of social media. The build-up to the marathon is less about training and more about curating your ‘I’m totally ready’ post.

I swear I’m not making this up: you have to display your marathon starter pack like it’s a luxury unboxing video. Bib? Check. Bottle? Check. Sweatband? Check. Neon top so bright it could guide aircraft? Double check. The caption is equally important: ‘Ready to conquer!’ — as if hashtags alone will carry you past the 10km mark. By the time the race starts, half the effort has already gone into lighting, angles, and making sure your bib number doesn’t clash with your sneakers. At the finish line, experts say the crowd resembles Black Friday at a sneaker store — except everyone’s wearing bib numbers. Economists predict productivity will plummet, but shoe companies are already reporting record profits. Sociologists, meanwhile, are debating whether this counts as exercise or just a very sweaty form of mass migration. For comments, feedback and insults, email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email admin@ultimaxtraining.co.bw