Going back to church: Re entering the Amen Economy

Thulaganyo Jankey | Wednesday March 4, 2026 08:40

These were the after-effects of COVID-19. It had badly affected my mind to the extent that my memory on Sunday morning just refused to remember going to church. I know many don’t believe but if I remember my scriptures well even people during Biblical times did not believe Jesus. The church congregation hardly ever changes. There’s always an elderly women who carries the bible, hymn book, the traditional large handbag and an umbrella. She always sits in the same row in church till they are called to be with the Lord. If she arrives and finds a 'visitor' sitting in her spot, she won't cause a scene.

She will simply stand in the aisle and stare at them with a look of profound, silent disappointment until they feel a spiritual urge to move to the back. Never, under any circumstances, occupy her seat.

Even if the church is packed and that is the only spot left, just stand against the wall. In the high-stakes social ecosystem of a Botswana church, sitting in a regular's seat is the spiritual equivalent of walking into a lion's den wearing a necklace made of biltong.

She knows all that has to be done in church like when to stand, when to sit, when to raise your hands. Her hallelujah is pitched higher than everyone even though her soprano abilities have now been jaded by age. She seems to have a biological GPS synced to the Pastor’s breath. Before the pastor even finishes a sentence, she is on her feet.

Because she stood up, the three rows behind her stand up out of pure reflex. So I decided to observe her so that she becomes my compass. I stopped listening to the Pastor and started watching her elbows. If her left elbow twitches, I knew the choir was about to start. If she reached for her spectacles, I knew a scripture reading is coming.

At church there’s a point where they ask visitors to come to the front so that they can be given a hand of fellowship. The Pastor stood up and said the words that struck fear into my soul: ‘If you are visiting us for the first time, or it has been a long time, please stand up so we can welcome you.’

If you stand, you are admitting you’ve been ‘missing in action.’ If you stay seated, you are lying in the House of the Lord. So I stood up and went to the front and claimed I had been a lost sheep but now the shepherd has brought me back from the meadow to the pen.

I know survival at church and had a whole survival kit built up from the time I was dragged to Sunday School by dad. If I get lost during the hymns, I just move my lips slightly and look pensively at the ceiling. People will think I am having a deep, private spiritual moment when I am actually just trying to remember if I remembered to switch off the air-conditioning at home.

This came in handy as I had forgotten the lyrics to a good number of hymns. When the basket came around, I realized I haven't carried physical cash since the presidency of His Excellency President Dr Mokgweetsi Eric Keabetswe Masisi. I frantically checked my pockets for a P50 note. All I found was a receipt from Liquorama (how embarrassing in the house of the Lord) and an endearmint from a biltong pack. I wanted to start on a high note –literally- perhaps to atone for my half-decade absence. Talking about atonement I believe I must have overdone it though. I had decided to be the most responsive person in the room. Every time the Pastor pauses for breath, I hit him with a ‘hallelujah!’

My ‘amens’ came out thick and fast like requests for a 'small favour' when you just got your bonus. I was shouting ‘AMEN!’ to a point in the sermon that wasn't actually a blessing (like when the Pastor announced that the church building was not properly cleaned).

Usually when you have been away from church for that long after the service the familiar faces will come to ask where you have been. I gave them a vague, poetic response that made me sound like a mysterious missionary: ‘I’ve been away, but my heart was always here.’

One of them hobbled away in horror perhaps because he didn’t believe me. I think he expected me to say something like ‘I have been walking through the valley of the shadow of death’. But I had forgotten that part of the scripture. You see five years is a looooooong time! For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com)

*Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email admin@ultimaxtraining.co.bw