Getting Into The A1: Highway To Christmas Cheer

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday December 16, 2025 11:13

When the festive season happens, 80% of the population uses A1 to get to their Christmas destination every year. The Department for Transport has confirmed that the annual ‘Great Festive Migration’ will soon be underway. On the A1, it’s not about getting somewhere—it’s about proving you’re the main character of traffic. Everyone’s auditioning for Fast & Furious: Botswana Edition.

Drivers engage in intense, passive-aggressive staring and racing contests with other motorists. The goal is to silently convey that their vehicle choice is superior and faster and that you are personally responsible for the collective traffic crawl on the A1.

The A1 is littered with trucks on a trek to the countries north of Botswana. Trucks on highways aren’t just vehicles—they’re characters in the grand road trip epic. Some are gentle giants, others are chaos agents, but all of them make you rethink whether you really needed to be on that road at all.

The sheer numbers of these trucks gives you a stroke, migraine, heart palpitations and advanced depression all at once. Passing one feels like scaling Kgale Hill: oxygen low, visibility zero and a strong chance of regret. Picture this: When trucks overtake each other it is a whole spectacle. Picture this: Truck A is going at 72.8 km/h. Truck B is going at 72.9 km/h. Truck B must pass Truck A to prove it is the superior truck, but the effort required to gain that 0.1 km/h advantage takes approximately 17 minutes and causes a 5km backup. The entire highway must pause for this delicate dance of ego. There’s also the small- or perhaps this is a wrong adjective - matter of truck tyres. Truck tyres are enormous and constantly kicking up debris. Their goal is to completely eliminate any remaining resale value your vehicle might have, ensuring your car is covered in a uniform, layer of residue and cracked windscreen.

So anyone getting onto the A1 must self-counsel and either respect the trucks or perish. Then you will encounter policemen, police roadblocks, traffic cops – many of them - and you will try your hand at wiggling out of charges for traffic violations. My late uncle just knew how to navigate these charges. He was a master at inverse truth – which is a more polite way of saying he was a liar but because he was my uncle I cannot straight up say that.

If he says it is raining, check for a holographic projector. It’s probably a brilliant sunset. If he says the stock market is crashing, buy because he has just guaranteed a bull market. When I was a kid I saw him extricate himself several times from a traffic fine by lying.

This is a skill that most of us must learn. Otherwise our Christmas budgets will need some serious reconfigurations. Depending on how long the trip takes the in-car entertainment might collapse entirely. Families inevitably cycle through three stages: a) Aggressive, forced carol singing; b) Complete, resentful silence; c) The father loudly muttering, ‘We should have just stayed home,’ every fifteen minutes. Beware of the deadly roadside fast-food mascot. They lure you in with promises of fries, then leave you regretting everything. So when you get to Mahalapye and you have the urge to eat something be careful what you eat as you might come with a severe case of food poisoning. That roadside stew looks like it’s been simmering since independence. Delicious? Maybe. Dangerous? Definitely. Some nasty people – jealous of people who have the spherical things to start a business - claim that whatever didn’t sell yesterday is reheated with extra chili to disguise the truth.

If hunger strikes, stick to sealed snacks, bottled drinks, or anything that looks like it could survive a nuclear winter. Truth is in Mahalapye, the real “fast food” is how quickly you’ll be sprinting to the nearest bathroom. I once had a drumstick that glistened like polished furniture from one of the famous bus rank restaurants and this was followed by a weather report that said something like: 100% chance of regret, with scattered stomach cramps and a high probability of you whispering, ‘Never again.’

Should you experience any digestive turmoil pull the vehicle over immediately. Do not attempt to achieve high speeds. The forces at play are faster than your engine. Should the situation escalate deploy the ‘Emergency Digestive Stabilisation Kit’ which primarily consists of spare pants and an industrial-sized bottle of antacid.

If you reach your destination in one piece, an intact windscreen and unsoiled pants, consider the journey a resounding success. You may now commence the passive-aggressive hugging of relatives you haven't seen in 364 days. (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) *Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email admin@ultimaxtraining.co.bw