Holiday-inducing sprint medals

Thulaganyo Jankey | Wednesday October 8, 2025 06:28

Most mums are very good parents, but maybe not very good judges of athletic ability. You get all sorts of encouragement and accolades from your mum when you start doing those house Olympics which involve running three metres inside the house without any competition. This past month our athletes – the real ones and not you powering on mum vibes - have not only bagged gold medals at the World Athletics Championships, but also triggered a nationwide identity crisis: Are we a country or a sprinting cult? The Ministry of Sport and Arts has reportedly issued a statement declaring, ‘From now on, all citizens must walk with purpose. Jogging is encouraged. Sprinting is patriotic.’

Our boys didn’t only snatch the gold medals but probably made half the stadium Google “Where is Botswana?” Meanwhile, some countries with better facilities – and less medals - have offered to host a joint training camp—Botswana politely declined, citing ‘we train with thunder.’ This is according to the usual unreliable rumour mill.

In a move that shocked absolutely no one and delighted everyone with unfinished laundry, the President once again declared a spontaneous public holiday. The president couldn’t contain the hype.

The public holiday was declared faster than Kebinatshipi’s final lap. One minute you’re watching history, next minute you’re off work dancing in the streets with a group of inebriated friends some of whom think Nijel Amos and Amantle Montsho were in that same relay team.

The Presidential Holiday Logic goes something like this • The President’s Favourite Football Team Won (If Manchester United can win, so can we. Take the day off to process this miracle.): holiday • The Wi-Fi in Parliament Was Down (which would mean no emails, no laws, no meetings. Clearly, the universe wants us to nap): holiday • Gold medal at the World Championships: You guessed it—holiday. So we had the longest holidays ever. 5 days. Read that again – 5 days of celebrating our athletes and partaking in the national hobby of imbibing the holy(?) waters. 5 days of throat and wallet assaults. 5 days of going to the village without actually knowing why you bothered. This is the time you caution your body systems especially the liver by sending memos like ‘be strong my friend. This is going to be a long bumpy ride’.

But the business section of the country was not very happy with such spontaneity from the president. Business owners were reportedly scrambling to adjust schedules, with one CEO spotted Googling ‘how to cancel capitalism for 24 hours.’

Meanwhile, HR departments were updating leave policies to include “Presidential Spontaneity Days.’ While some experts warned of economic disruption, others said the national GDP should now be measured in happiness and braai smoke density.

‘We may lose P500 million,’ said one analyst, ‘but we gain 2.5 million smiles and 1 million naps. It’s a fair trade.’ Of course, other businesses like liquor outlets, transport and Dijo Bagolo restaurants were rubbing their hands in glee.

There is a downside to every long holiday though. Gyms are packed with people trying to undo five days of dessert decisions. One guy did a single push-up and immediately filed for medical leave. People have now forgotten how to cook anything that isn’t braaied meat or reheated leftovers.

What’s next? Well, we will soon hear the president saying he’s proud to announce a new ministry: The Ministry of Speed. All citizens must now jog to work. Sprinting will be tax-deductible! (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email admin@ultimaxtraining.co.bw