New skin routine glows and trouble

Thulaganyo Jankey | Wednesday September 24, 2025 10:33

Men are either not properly scrubbed, laugh too loud or eat with their mouths open. Women have so many things that they feel men need a software update for. From the wardrobe disaster of owning three shirts (one for weddings, one for funerals and one for everything else) to the ‘I’ll Fix It’ Delusion where there’s a promise to fix that leaky tap but after three weeks the tap still leaks. Now with added dramatic sound effects to bewildered drawers that contain expired batteries, loose screws, a Sagem phone from 2003 complete with a Vista simcard and emotional detachment it is clear men do need a woman’s touch and advice. So this past week my wife decided my face looks like a failed attempt to put out a veld fire and promptly put me on a skin care routine. It is not that I didn’t have a skin care routine, just that mine wouldn’t do anymore. Far from it! I have an old tried and tested (now rendered questionable by the wife) skin routine that has served me well for ages. My routine is to take a face cloth, soap it, scrub my face, dry it and apply lotion. This is how I managed to attain that glow that you see whenever we meet. If we’ve met and you don’t see any glow I will advise you to eat my carrots to boost your fading sight. However, according to my wife, this glow is fading faster than Blackberry relevance in a sea of iPhones —clicking away in quiet desperation. I was introduced to a set of five bottles. Five! I stared at the five bottles on the sink like they’re part of a chemistry final. Cleanser, toner, serum, moisturiser, SPF... Is this skincare or sorcery? All this is going to be sucked into my skin on a daily.

I cautioned my skin to toughen up. This was going to be one heaven of a ride. I applied the cleanser with the aggression of someone trying to erase bad decisions. It felt like I was scrubbing sins off my face.

The toner seemed like spicy water but I applied it anyway. I wondered if the serum had any side effects just in case I glow too much.

My hope is that I remember the sequence. One must appreciate that I am moving from a one-step routine to a five-step routine so it cannot be that easy. No more just splashing water on my skin and calling it a day.

This is a new era. This is a skin care boot camp. I said to my skin ‘Don't you dare. Don't you dare throw a tantrum.’ No more flaky patches that look suspiciously like a map of a desert.

I then did the Math. This chemistry ensemble would cost a whopping P500. My trusted Nivea bottle costs around P40 and I can use it for my face, hands, elbows, arms, neck, shoulders, back, legs, knees, feet, heels and so many other external body parts.

Basically this covers everything and it costs a pocket-friendly P40. Now this whole conference of liquids and creams can only be used on one’s face.

My arms, legs and body felt hurt because they were not part of the routine and their needle was stuck at Nivea when upstairs things were getting upgraded.

I don’t know how long this is going to take for me to transform to Mr Smooth but I am determined to tough it out. The world needs smoother-faced men with some serious glow.

Admittedly men with glow cannot stop the war between Ukraine and Russia but still it is something to enthuse about. If this goes really well I might well start a You Tube channel called something like Face It, Man which would be an attempt to motivate men into dumping their lotion bottles in the trash.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email admin@ultimaxtraining.co.bw