Lifting Weights for Sensible Reasons

Thulaganyo Jankey | Wednesday August 27, 2025 16:41

Back then, having bulging biceps was equated to being macho. And handsome! Someone once told me that girls were not interested only in looks -- that the qualities that really mattered were brains and a sense of humor. The truth is that -- and I speak here as a trained humor professional -- women are definitely more interested in muscles than a sense of humor. You will never hear a woman say, ‘I wish Arnold Schwarzenegger would put his shirt back on and tell us some jokes!’. So, yeah, this is exactly why I am in this position. I found out from the Internet that when you get to be my age (old), you lose bone density and muscle mass. This alarmed me, because I never had any muscle mass to begin with. So, I was actually wondering what I would be losing. But I am determined to start. I want to start. Obviously, these days, everything starts with the internet. Anything that doesn’t start with an internet rummage did not happen.

You have to start researching things like • Five things to know about lifting weights • How to develop attractive muscles despite having gym arrears • Is building muscles a marathon or a selfie sprint • What NOT to Do Before You Lift (Unless You Want Regret) • Why Everyone Grunts Like They're Summoning Thor • Is Weight Lifting Actually a Scam? The reality is, when you embark on something like this, there’s a whole lot of unsolicited advice from pseudo fitness experts. One unsettling advice from my neighbour, who has never seen the inside of a gym, was: eat like a farm animal. Lettuce. Cucumber. Broccoli. And repeat until your taste buds file a formal complaint. This was said with a serious face. Yet another overzealous advisor told me that every lift is a performance. Make sure to vocalize your effort with a series of guttural grunts, groans, and the occasional high-pitched shriek. It lets everyone know you're working really, really hard, and it's a great way to clear the gym so you can have the machine all to yourself. Apparently, developing muscles involves lifting heavy things... then putting them down.

Then lifting them up and putting them down until your soul leaves your body. I know this sounds ridiculous but that apparently is how you get to build muscle. Is my weight training working? Consider this: After just one week of lifting, I can no longer move my arms. I feel as though oxen have been dancing on my upper body. I have to brush my teeth by holding the toothbrush still and moving my head up and down. The problem is that weights -- follow me closely -- are heavy. When you lift them, your muscles hurt, which is your body's way of telling you, ‘Stop lifting weights, moron!’ (For comments, feedback, and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- BQA-accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.