NITTY GRITTY

BAROLONG SEBONI | Friday May 9, 2008 00:00

She has bought some pots and more serving dishes because she wants to be one of the first few women to tender for the catering jobs at the government enclave. So she is testing the capacity and capability of her staff and catering equipment. She hasn't decided which ministry she will be serving lunches to yet.

All this is very good news for the fellows who hang out at the shebeen because it means they are an important part of the dress rehearsal that is taking place right now. Infact you could quite accurately refer to them as stakeholders - or should I say STAKE holders, because there are quite a few beefy, juicy steaks to hold and behold going around the lounge right now.

As extras in this drama they will of course each walk away with a free plate. But no free drinks! Oh, no. Infact, Ausi Maggie has made it categorically clear that it is only those who pay for their drinks and have cleared their sekoloto who will be entitled to a free plate of madombi le stew. The other part of the menu includes curried chicken and rice with di-beetroots, but only the whisky and brandy set will ever get a taste of those.
While all this preparation is taking place in the kitchen, the lounge is also abuzz with the usual sessions of political pontifications around the oblong table. The members of the Tsogang Banna Julle Bliksems are drawing up some sort of a policy paper that they hope will inspire the association into the 21st century. As you may recall, dear reader, whose memory is better than all the memories of all the other newspaper readers across the country, they successfully came up with a motto for the association. I can't for the life of me remember what it is, but I am sure you do.

Chicken the chairman had told the members of the executive to come up with some brainstorming concepts with which to open up the discussion for today.
'So who is ready to present?' asks the chair.

Smooch is the first to come forth, after shuffling his chair and clearing his throat.
'Well chairman, I have prepared a little something here that I have decided to call the 'Four D's'. I must admit that it's really a coincidence that they all start with the letter D!'
'Wow, hee banna! What a strange and wonderful coincidence! What have you come up with then?'

'It's not really much, but I have here some important words tsa Setswana that I think should be our guiding principles in our meetings and just in our lives generally. I think it's important that they are in our language so that everyone of us can understand and relate to them. The first one is DITEEMANE - I think everyone should appreciate that we are here because of the diamonds. If it wasn't for us, the diamonds would not be here either. And remember the saying that 'diamonds are forever' so we too should plan to be here forever and ever amen!

Diamonds are key to the economy, although there's now a lot of talk that we should not depend solely on diamonds, but I say we should be like diamonds and sparkle wherever we go and in whatever we do. We must aspire to shine like our diamonds and say 'shine Botswana shine!'

The second D is for DISANG. As you know we are a nation of beasts and animals. Er, sorry, I meant to say we are a nation that has lots of cattle for beef, and lots of wildlife for tourism. For me Disang means we must look after our cattle and preserve our wildlife so that the economy grows away from just diamonds which are just there to shine. Disang also means that we must herd our own cattle and stop hiring illegal immigrants and calling them Headboys and girls in the adverts. We must take pride in herding our own cattle as Batswana. If we don't herd our own cattle they will head for the border and cross it!

The third D is for DIRANG. Here I am speaking to the whole nation and I am saying that they must DO. What I mean is they must do so that they become very productive. In other words we must all work, work, work. We must dig the diamond mines ourselves, we must herd the cattle ourselves but most importantly we must own them. We must always work towards owning everything. 'Dirang Pula e ne' should be our motto. If we work hard it will rain, then if it rains we can feed ourselves because we have worked hard. You see?'

After Smooch's presentation many of the fellows clapped and congratulated him for his brilliant ideas. Everyone agreed that they were catchy and easy to remember. Most importantly, they were all in Setswana. The only person who was not impressed was Chicken the chairman. When all the clapping and cheering had died down he thundered;
'Irrelevant, irrelevant! You are talking only about the economy and mining and tourism and exports! What about more important and relevant things for our society like Dignity, Democracy and Discipline? We want to know how we should beat our children in schools and in the kgotla in a dignified and democratic manner. If we can achieve that then the economy will discipline itself!'

Right out of the blue, Tshini shouts; 'I have another D for you all; DIDIMALANG - ga le bue le haele sepe!'