A WARY MIND SUBSISTS IN ASSUMPTIONS, THUS, OOZE SUCH

Kealeboga Ngwigwa | Tuesday March 12, 2024 08:52

We had absolute no doubt that he will do a sterling job to give the daughter a good life that would inspire a bright future for the young one. Our relationship with her father has total changed over the past eight years because he speaks arrogantly, bluntly and he is very aggressive.

With that into consideration, we suspect that he might be possibly abusing his daughter. I personally bumped on her a couple of weeks ago at the mall and I could barely recognise her. It was until she came to greet me that I noticed her. She has lost so much weight and her appearance exhibits a depressed soul. I tried to engage her but unfortunately, she exhibited a depressed face and was very uncomfortable to express herself. I have made attempts to engage her father but to my surprise I got some negative feedback from him and it was so toxic to conduct any conversation.

I have a very strong conviction that something wrong is happening at that man’s house. How do I access my niece and save her precious life? Yours, Anonymous Dear Anonymous, I am so sorry that your niece might be enduring the most excruciating season of her life. Nobody deserves to be ill-treated by anyone, even the father nor any family member.

When you suspect something, you have every right to instigate an investigation to such an effect. But before we could implement any intervening parties, I will suggest that you visit their homestead, and make sure that you tag along an uncle so that you ensure protection in the event things go south whilst there. The visitation must be kind of a surprise one.

You can pretend to may have been on the neighbourhood and thought of greeting the father and the niece. It will give you a glimpse of their lifestyle since they will not be able to cover their tracks well on time. If indeed your suspicions are true, you can then engage the law enforcement agency to intervene.

The niece can also be taken for counselling and that can also unpack the whole truth. You must also change your approach when dealing with her father. You must lure him to welcome you in their lives and avoid conflicts as much as possible. That is dangling a bait and there are great possibilities of a big catch. On the other hand, your niece might be having her personal challenges that may be affecting her wellbeing. It might not be pinned to her father so please be open-minded and do not jump to conclusions without finding facts and evidence. Assumptions are bearers of heart breaks and disappointments. #ColoringSouls Dear Coach,

I have a 24-year-old niece who we have been living with since she was three-months-old. Her mother deserted her then and she became one of ours. We bread and raised her. During her teen years, she really became a problem child since she was living a very dysfunctional life. She would dodge at home at night to go perform some mischievous acts, which I believe that were ruining her future.

Despite so many engagements with her to counsel and guide her, she has never landed an ear to what we communicated to her. One day after hosting a conversation with her, she continued with her uncalled for behaviour, which became a furore and I unintentionally clobbered her. After I beat her with a slap, she dashed to the kitchen and grabbed some two knives and chased me. I ran for my life and while she was close to me, I obstructed her with a bicycle which I threw at her and she fell. She had released a stab and cut me bad on my arm. I was bleeding heavily after being stabbed. I ran into the house and locked myself inside while she stabbed my car tyres. We then called the police who later came and took her to the police station. At the police station, she wanted to apologise but I was very angry and told her that she is dead in my life. From that day, I distanced myself from her.

She currently has a boy-child whom I had not shared some love with or provided for. My niece was my everything because I treated her like my own daughter. It kills me so much to see us apart and not united like we were. I wish we could rectify all what happened and share the love again but unfortunately I do not know where to start and what to do to put everything on equal footing. What must I do Coach?

Yours, Anonymous Dear Anonymous, Relationships are the fins of our lives. Without them, we cannot achieve anything substantial. Family members do fight and it is normal. The most important thing is how to bounce back from such a setback and grow from that incident. When children are going through their teen years, they are very eager to explore different things in life and unlikely turn to experience what their age does not allow.

As much as we are being protective of them, we need to understand that our responses can either break or build them to be great people. We need to control our anger since it makes us commit to action that we would often regret after performing. Their behaviours are predicated by our approach. They have emotions just like us adults. The knife incident was uncalled for but I would attest that it was an emotion overspill but she wouldn’t want you to die. You must learn to forgive quickly, forgive her and yourself then approach her to apologise for the damage you caused her emotionally. Once you have spoken, that ball wrapping the disturbed peace will break and you will leave in harmony again. It is better done as soon as possible rather than later because one of you might not be there to receive such uniting apologies. Mistakes are made by us and can only be rectified by us.

#ColoringSouls

Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is a Life Coach, Author, Columnist, Team Builder and an Events Director who believes that emotions build an attitude which ultimately builds one’s character. Forward your enquiries to krcoloringsouls@gmail.com or WhatsApp +26772522213 for advices.