The Legend Of Mismatched Socks

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday February 27, 2024 06:00

You also want your wife to proudly say during a baby shower or bridal shower something like ‘I have a perfect husband because he can straighten his socks drawer’. I know it is not much but it is some kind of ammo for your wife to edify you. So I decided this week to prove my abilities by straightening my socks drawer.

What a task this turned out to be. Men through a very strange genetic flaw always get to a point where they have drawers and drawers of mismatched socks. There’s a sense of inevitability about it. If you are a man and it has not happened to you it is only a matter of time. Keeping our socks together is akin to nailing jelly to a tree. My effort didn’t start off so well though as I knocked down a few handbags and was reprimanded by the wife. With steam blowing out of her ears I was told how Italian some of the handbags were. This is actually a new discovery for me as I didn’t know bags had any sort of nationalities.

But I trudged on intent on debunking the myth that men are only good at reading newspapers. In short, nothing could wreck my ship. I wasn’t really ready for what tumbled out. I have been happily living my life knowing I have a full complement of paired socks. But what tumbled out of that drawer was a truly amazing sight.

There were like 37 pieces of socks and only 4 of them were matched. My anatomy is entirely made of hoarding molecules so throwing them out was out of question. I had to figure out a way to preserve these ‘prized’ possession. Remember every hoarder sees trash as treasure. Legend has it that when you straighten your stuff that is when the weirdness in you unravels. Your possession tell your story and in that little drawer with mismatched socks I could in a very interesting way pinpoint what my life had been during the time I was wearing that particular pair of socks.

There was one purple one which seemed a remnant of the colour-blocking days when people wore their clothing in colour blocks. My interpretation of colour-blocking was to buy purple socks. That was how I on-boarded the colour-blocking train. There were a myriad of happy socks stuck in a corner like they are in a conference and looking very unhappy. Happy socks are still a fad especially for us laggards. We are still here trying to catch up with the ever evolving fashion trends. So I made a decision to not discard them but wear them no matter how mismatched they are.

I am not sure how the resident fashion police (read wife) will react but I will be going that route and I hope it won’t be a short one because when the wife says ‘no’ who can possibly say yes. I also discovered a few socks with snakeprint. I don’t even remember what the fashion story was back then when I bought them but they brought a large dose of cringe to the whole exercise. These are going to the trash bin. I cannot have 2 different types of serpents hugging my ankles and shins. Also thanks to a few friends who have actually discovered Jesus and now sit in the front rows at the fire churches I have also been convinced that anything with snakeprint is Satanic. I swear though that when these were bought Satan was the last thing on my mind. I am a Christian through and through. Ok I admit I do church part time but you do get the point hey? (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com