Yippee! I Have Registered To Vote

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday February 6, 2024 09:26

My house instantly got an IEC convert-turned-prophet who started waving his registration card in our faces and gave us a million and two reasons why we should go and register to vote. With the pressure from a would-be first-time vote heavily weighing on me, I finally trooped off to the registration booth today.

No I didn’t register outside the registration window and the today alluded to here is four days ago. Usually when the people of our republic are called to register to vote, they take it easy and wait for IEC to shout until they are blue in the face. Then the political aspirants weigh in with expressions like ‘voting is your God-given right so register to vote’, ‘register to vote and make your voice heard’.

Many of the voters are not convinced by this non-consensual education since they know that politicians once voted into office will be Judasing within a few months and suffering from bouts of amnesia. Judas descendants! There are two types that register to vote. There are no mileage registrees and high mileage registrees. The no mileage type is the ones that will be voting for the first time.

They believe in the maxim ‘your vote is your voice’. They believe in the power of their vote. They believe in unicorns! They were told their votes will change the world. They believe their votes will change the world. Time will exorcise this little ghost that is seemingly all over maiden voters like Makhadzi’s music, which was produced during COVID-19 times. After registering, this type wants the whole world to register, which is a good thing. The high mileage type is the jaded ones who have watched their votes result in increased midriffs of the voted and unfulfilled promises.

The cantankerous Jurassic Park residents have a large dose of laggard coursing through their veins and usually register in the final week of registration or during the supplementary registration. Truth is, this cohort must somehow be forced into an urgency indoctrination camp so they appreciate the importance of registering to vote on time. The chance of seeing them going to register during the first few days is as thin as seeing a vegan at a braai. High mileage voters always think they have it figured out when it comes to registering to vote.

That is until the last day of registration and we bunch up at the registration booth like a breadline. I cannot even imagine the chaos that must have erupted at those registration points on Saturday, the last day of registration. A certain air of haughtiness, vanity and self-importance has swept over me because I have registered to vote and you haven’t. So next time our paths cross and you haven’t registered to vote, just remember to treat me like a celebrity and come get a picture with Yours Truly. It’s not just a voter registration card but an affirmation of how I take my civic duty very seriously. (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com