Giraffing Into The Political Arena

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday January 30, 2024 06:00

After picking their jaws off the floor, some started claiming his mental faculties had left him faster than an irresponsible man after hearing the pregnancy test results. His clock somehow didn’t seem to have all its numbers. The term Big 5 was coined by big-game hunters to refer to the five most difficult animals in Africa to hunt on foot.

But to the general not-so-clued-up population used to hunting small game like some unfortunate rabbits not fast enough to outrun dogs with funny names, the Big 5 is purely based on size and I think the politician falls in that category. So the general citizenry including our politician do not know this and believe this is one of the instances where size does matter.

Giraffes stand at around four to five high, with the tallest giraffes ever recorded being up to 5.9 meters. That’s taller than three men standing on each other’s shoulders. That means if the VP stands on the shoulders of the president and the secretary-general, the newly-suggested member of the Big 5 would still be taller. So the VP of the new party is actually right. I mean purely using the concept of size. According to history and hysteria, politicians are drama factories. And the former MP’s factory doors had just opened. Tarred with the brush of lacking in wit and tact, some say a lot of politicians’ only talent is decibeling their voices to stadium mode in freedom squares – a skill that cannot transfer seamlessly to a lot of professions. But I think that is a tad bit unfair as politicians are capable of pulling off some bright ideas and schemes like those fancy donkey carts meant to alleviate transport shortages in rural areas.

This smart over-the-top idea was birthed with a lot of fanfare and subtle claims that even Einstein would be proud. So, yes local politicians are not that bad actually. I, however, understand why a whole party VP would say that. For a new party, it is important to create as much hype and drama as the party possibly can. That way you leave people talking about you long after the rally is over.

Publicity is a very expensive commodity and as much as possible, parties are trying to find opportunities to leverage whatever platform they get to embed themselves in the minds of the voters. Right now the chatterboxes are trying to distil what giraffes have to do with political ambitions. In bars, in stadia and in taverns, where getting your change when you are tipsy is incidental, people are talking about the VP and his giraffe and trying to make sense of the new party’s message. Basically, everywhere where at least two people are gathered, they are discussing the story of the giraffe and its imminent elevation into that rarefied air of the big boys.

Heck, why not make it Big 7 and include the Wildebeest while at it! (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com