The Catch-22 of modern parenting
Lewanika Timothy | Tuesday January 16, 2024 10:52
The yesteryear when children grew up under the same roof with their extended family members and ate from the same plate can only be reminisced upon and be missed by Gen X and other ‘fossil’ generations that came before that. It’s 2024 and kids have rights, most of which are self-sanctioned like talking back, privacy, personal space and some ‘peace of mind’.
It’s no secret that parenting has undergone major shifts as the world encounters an evolution of ideas and development challenged lifestyles. Raising a child is the premier bedrock of shaping society and its ideals. The planting of ideas and cultures, behaviours and acceptable norms, are inculcated in individuals first at home, then later augmented by different spheres of influence, hence the saying: “charity begins at home”.
Parents used to control their households with iron fists, using command and control to keep the household in order. When Gen Xers started birthing Millennials, psychologists globally noticed a growing gap between children and parents; a huge wall of difference was emerging. Families were plunged into a mess.
Gen X, individuals born between 1965 and 1980, faced challenges of a small economy and rural life. Millennials [or Gen Y individuals born between 1981 and 1996] arrived amidst growth, shopping complexes, and industries. Parenting across these different periods proved to be a stiff challenge. Gen Z enters in the late 1990s and early 2000s [1997-2012], posing a challenge of the century. These are the kids that walk out when talked to, the ones you cannot lay a hand on without trouble. They hibernate in their rooms, emerging only for meals.
The gulf between a generation born and bred during tough times trying to parent a generation born amid plenty, has proved to be a stiff challenge. But unbeknown to millennials, the slippery slope ahead of them would be worse.
Walking down the street it’s easy to spot a Gen Z. You probably will spot them crossing the road with their eyes stuck on their cell phones, their gigantic headphones looping over their ears. Dare you hoot at them as they cross the road slowly and you will receive a painful dismissal about how you need to learn to “chill”.
Psychology counsellor at Legato Centre, Atlang Loiti, says that the growing challenge with parenting is that the line between right and wrong has been blurred. Legato Centre is a counselling and mental wellness clinic in Gaborone.
According to him parents have lost their skin in the game, succumbing to the unending desires and needs of their children, an occurrence which has crippled the ability of parents to set clear boundaries.
“Parents are trying to adapt to society’s changes and developments.
“We have a generation of parents that are too busy trying to catch up with trends, trying to be cool parents at the expense of setting clear boundaries that define the difference between right and wrong,” he said.
A consumer expenditure survey on household spending published by The New York Times recently revealed that modern parents are spending more on their children today than past generations have spent. This increased spend, which used to be at its peak during a child’s high school or college years, has now changed to peak between the ages of six and 12.
According to Loiti, this increased spend on children in their early years proves that today’s millennial parents are desperate. So desperate to form a bond that they will throw all resources that they have, just to form a bond with their children. This according to Loiti is a bad action that stems from a rather deep psychological problem.
“Millennials want to raise their children differently from the way they were raised by their parents who were Gen X`s. They are trying to overcome the challenges of their upbringing by spoiling their children in the name of giving them their children a better life and its leading to a tipped scale of power.
“Now in households children wield the power to broker decisions,” he said.
Marketing companies have also seized the opportunity of this imbalance in families and have proceeded to change their marketing style from targeting parents who have the money, to targeting children who now influence the families’ spending habits.
Even for stalwart believers in corporal punishment, command and control, keeping a house in order is still a major challenge for parents. The main reason for this is that there are many spheres of influence on children’s behaviour beyond just the parents. Without a shadow of doubt, the home plays a pivotal role in the upbringing of children but it has been invaded by other external spheres of influence on children, diminishing the monopolised power it used to enjoy.
You surely can reprimand your child as a parent and stop them from watching bad content on TV, but you cannot stop them from walking to their room right after that to watch the same content on their cell phones. With the advent of social media and digitalisation, parenting has surely taken a downturn. All the stuff parents kept away from their children are now littered all over social media platforms and there is no controlling that.
As social media and digitalisation rise, parenting takes a downturn. Liberals push for a society without boundaries, parents become powerless, and social scientists strive for balance. In this battle, adapting to cultural shifts and evolving trends become crucial for parenting in an increasingly diverse world. Raising children in a multicultural society is a unique challenge and an opportunity for parents to teach them about diversity, tolerance, and inclusion.