Relationship is expensive: Don't yield cheaply towards anyone

Kealeboga Ngwigwa | Tuesday October 24, 2023 06:00

About a week ago, when I arrived from the festivities on a certain weekend, she woke up and started crying. When I asked her what the matter was, she bluntly said that she knows every promiscuous act I have ever indulged in.

As flabbergasted as I was, alcohol simply vanished from my system instantly. I was sweating pumps and rains. When I made my own investigations on how she found out because I know very well that I play my cards very close to my chest, it came to my attention that my best friend is the one feeding my wife with such clutter.

I am so disappointed that the guy that I have always supported through thick and thin is now the one who is back stabbing me. I expect him to protect me at all cost but he is putting me on a vulnerable position.

I am at the edge of losing my marriage over the stupidity that he, my friend, is also often entangled with. I am so angry right now that I want to beat him so that I square the transgression he pulled against me. Are these kinds of people, liable to be called friends? What should I do because I really do not want to end my matrimony? Yours, Anonymous Dear Anonymous, Friendship is one expensive union yet we give out easily. We deem ourselves very cheaply and hence every interaction we have with anyone we qualify it to be a friend.

Friendship bears interests of each party valuable and precious. There are different types of friendships and there are only two (2); the confidant and comrades. Comrades are those friends that are never with you but only come to you for a common cause but if that particular interest is not there, friendship is not there either. For instance, people connected by a certain sport, hobbies, or anything of commonality. These kinds of friends are so easy to find. I will encourage you to introspect your circle of friends and their characters; those that do not add any value to your life, prune them out or else they will compete with the ideal and proper friends. Confidants are true and loyal. They value their friends. I will advice you to stop your naughtiness and give value to what you chose, and that is your family. There is no use to be all over the place yet you say you have something amazing. I wish you could resolve your matter with the wife amicably, forgive your so called friend and cut promiscuity, your life will then be beautiful.

Dear Coach, I am a grossly disappointed father to a 32-year-old mother of two boys. My daughter has lost her path and it is so heart-breaking. She was a civil servant and unfortunately she prioritised drinking and having fun than ensuring that she enhances her capabilities and qualifications so that she remains competitive and draw as much opportunities as possible. She lost her job due to alcoholism. She, one day, reported at her office drunk and smelling alcohol. Her eyes were as red as a hot coal ready to barbecue some juicy steak and the ultimate whip she got was a dismissal. She has been drinking ever since and it is spanning a good twelve 12 years already. A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I travelled to Zwenshambe to go be part of the marriage negotiations and ceremony for one of our nephews since we live approximately 650 kilometres from them. On our way back, after the wedding ceremony, I received a call from one of my cousins confirming if indeed my wife and I had deceased from a car accident. He told me that people are assembled at my house to offer condolences whilst we are very much alive and kicking. My daughter is troublesome, what can I do to deal with this kind of behaviour? Yours, Anonymous Dear Anonymous, It is so disrespect and very shameful that your child, procreate by you, can wish death on her parents. She has truly lost her path. I cannot explain why she is behaving in such a manner but I do assume that she was overly drunk and made an excuse to be felt remorse and care from the people she was drinking with. Alcohol makes us to behave very strangely and some of the things we do or say, we cannot remember when we are sober. I am a little confident that if you were to ask her, she may not recall the scenario. The excessive drinking is obviously due to the regrets she lives with. Thus drinking numbs the pain caused by her actions but then alcohol exacerbates the entire situation and earns a bitter twist. People lie to either hide or divert attention from where they want to corrupt or ruin. If you have spoken to her and her behaviour persists, it will be key to engage social workers so that they help her with the alcohol problem and once that is done, most lies will stop because there is no vulnerability that is brought forth by her indulgence in it. The last alternative is to take her to the community authorities for questioning and discipline. I hope things will work out for you. #ColoringSouls Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is the Founder and Director of Coloring Souls Coaching. A company advocating for MIND-SET CHANGE. For team building exercise bookings contact +267 72 522 213/ +267 71 830 584 or email krcoloringsouls@gmail.com for quotations.