LIES: THE ENEMY TO THE TONGUE

Kealeboga Ngwigwa | Tuesday September 26, 2023 06:00

He lies about everything even things that are in reality. When we met, he lied that he was a soldier and he spent most of his time in military trips that normally span for three (3) months.

At the time, he had another girlfriend he cohabited with. He came back very sick and I took care of him until he was back on his feet. I stopped going early in the morning and when I asked he said he has quit his job as a soldier and now he works for the secret security services. I found out later that he never was employed in any security forces.

A couple of years back he took money from me claiming that he is going to buy a plot for us and he squandered it and bought a fence which he put in a non gazetted area which later was nullified by the land authority. I am sick and tired of his lies and whenever I want to quit he lies that he is going to be a better man and unfortunately that never materializes. I am so tired of his character because we have lost a lot of dignity due to it. I love him this is why I find it difficult to walk away from our relationship. I am so confused, what should I do pertaining our relationship since it has also bore a son? Yours, Ofentse

Dear Ofentse, I can only imagine a life where you live not so certain about anything in your life. It is never known when the truth is said or not. How does one keep their beloved suspended and denying him or her an opportunity to life in its utmost best with a plethora of lies. It is not a good thing nor trait to be untrustworthy because we never know when one is real or not. Love or not, it is grossly not fair for one to commit to something that bears no authenticity and substance. I really commend you for the patience you have displayed for the past years in a relationship built upon a series of lies. Lies corrupt every blessing is rightfully billed for your relationship. But hey, a relationship built on lies is like a building structure erected on a sandy dome, it is easily eroded by even the weakest wind ever. You can only stay in the relationship if the lies entice you and you find them appeasing, otherwise, they are the reason behind the glooms we face. The choice ultimately, is all yours. Wishing nothing but the best. #ColoringSouls

Dear Coach, My brother is such a fraud, how dare does he lie to me when I have given him all that I am? I have always been there for my brother since we were young and he keeps on disappointing me and no matter how many chances I give him, he keeps on doing the same thing over and over again. He got in the business of import cars from Durban where his customers will send him over to South Africa to solicit desired vehicles. The customers entrust him with that assignment to an extend that they give him tonnes of money for such purchases. One day, a customer who wanted to buy a Mercedes car and gave my younger brother an amount of about one hundred and fifty thousand pula (BWP150, 000). I am, even at this point, still trying to figure out what fouled my brother to make him such a pain in our lives. He squandered the money and started to mess around with the customer until the customer took the matter to the relevant authorities and I was compelled to pay out the debt to free him from jail. He then took a break from the business and after a good few months he went back in and it looked promising. He was back to his consistency ways and hell broke loose again. Trouble started to loom simply because he wanted to live beyond his means. He took money from three customer amounting to two hundred and forty thousand pula (BWP240, 000). I am so fed up with cleaning his mess, but he is my brother I cannot let him rot in jail, our deceased parents would wake up from the dead, if I pull such a behaviour against him. Moreover, I have promised my mother that I will take care of him since she passed on when we were children. Please help me out Coach. Yours, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, As much as it is important to show compassion for your siblings, it does not mean we should throw our lives for the sake of theirs. I believe that everything that we do, must bear a price and the most ideal person to pay it is the doer. Therefore, their actions should give them the fruits they deserve. Honesty is an innate gift and not all of us embrace it. It seems like your brother has a deficiency to that fact. How many times is he going to persist with his behaviour and how many times are you going to bail him? Do you not have ambitions you are carrying and working towards attaining them? I understand that you have made a vow and you are showing commitment to the course by standing by him when he is in trouble. As much as you have vowed, it does not mean that could be used to either guilt trap or blackmail you. You should allow him to go through the fire he makes with his bare hands so that he gets the utmost experience of such a behaviour. It will not be because you do not love him or you have forsaken the covenant made with your deceased parents. In fact, that process will open his mindset and character and hopefully the pain endured, will transform him for the better. We must draw the line between loving and caring for our beloveds in order to refrain from being taken advantage of. All the best China. #ColoringSouls

Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is a Life Coach, Author, Columnist, Team Builder and an Events Director who believes that emotions build an attitude which ultimately builds one’s character. Forward your enquiries to krcoloringsouls@gmail.com or WhatsApp +26772522213 for advices.