Spanish kiss, VAR and dishonest politicians

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday September 12, 2023 06:00

The world nowadays has absolutely no mercy whatsoever for men kissing a woman that is not their wife, girlfriend or small house. In football nowadays you cannot get away with anything.

They have a contraption called VAR. It captures every sin committed on the field and within the peripheries of the field. So there was no escaping this.

That means there are no excuses like ‘I was unsighted’, ‘It was an innocent peck’ and such. No matter how much the president tried to justify being caught in the euphoria of the world cup triumph, the VAR exposed exactly what had happened. The daggers were out for the offending guy.

The world called for his head. The women’s rights groups called for his head. The Spanish federation too called for his head - little Judases! In most of the countries which are affiliated to FIFA the PR teams would go to work and spin the whole incident as a president showing his love to his team and that the president is a very loving person and considers the player his own child.

If you don’t believe this, think about the Ugandan President, Yoweri Museveni’s serial dozing during conferences which is now nationally regarded as the President’s way of thinking how to better the lives of Ugandans. Apparently bettering the lives of Ugandans cannot be done with your eyes open and so the President is using a now standard template that has been forced down the befuddled locals’ throats. This is spin-doctoring on PEDs. It is basically cheat code. We need VAR or whatever version of it we can get here.

The elections are a year away and many political aspirants are beginning to get fork-tongued in their speeches and promises. Large doses of deceit are going to lace many a political speech and we need to capture the deceitful brigade and their shenanigans using this technology. This is the season when politicians start to promise us bridges, roads, jobs, unemployment benefit which is a salary you get without working, minimum salaries that go beyond affording a one-roomed abode and eating bones as relish.

Yes this is their opportunity for them to fire all their guns that still have gunpowder. Since VAR is supposed to tell the truth better than fuzzy videos captured in phones procured from hustlers on the overhead bridge by the railway station we will engage all its capabilities to sniff out the turncoats. So when they are snugly-settled and lolly-gagging in the Parliamentary village we can then haul out the VAR and ask them where the bridge is or when we are going to get paid more so that we can regularly enjoy ice cream and soda treats.

Thanks to the kiss and VAR we can now have a morsel of honesty from politicians whose honesty molecules have been eroded by political ambitions over time. (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) *Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.