Revenge filicide; when parents kill

Pini Bothoko | Monday August 28, 2023 06:00

In this type of murder, the spouse specifically wants the partner to suffer and feel miserable. The offending partner wants the receiving partner, who they believe inflicted emotional and psychological pain on them, to experience the same.

Revenge filicide is not as common as some other kinds of homicide and studies show that it can be hard to pin down patterns and perpetrator motivations. The cases have become a great concern because expected protectors of children become monsters who kill. Homes are no longer safe spaces for children as they continue to lose their lives at the hands of fathers, stepfathers, guardians, parental figures or their parents’ partners.

Local cases of revenge filicideIn Botswana, recent cases of revenge filicide include the double murder and suicide case of a father who earlier this year killed his two children and committed suicide following a misunderstanding with their mother, his wife at Tsholofelo West in Gaborone. Then, a week later, another father was arrested by the Broadhurst police after he threatened to do the same, killing his two children and then committing suicide.

Last week, a man left Maun residents reeling in shock after he allegedly kidnapped and killed his girlfriend’s six-year-old son. In another case before the Francistown High Court, Koolopile Makhura, 38, has admitted to raping and murdering Bame Tebelelo, 14, his girlfriend’s daughter back in 2019 at Shashemooke village.

This past Tuesday, a 23-year-old man of Peejenaa settlement, Onkgopotse Xabue, pleaded guilty to murdering his nephew over Tsabana porridge back on October 13, 2020 at the settlement. He violently hacked the toddler in the head with an axe.

Back in 2021, a man who was working as a herdsman at Lekgolwe cattle post, located between Mathathane and Tsetsebjwe villages left residents of the tiny settlement reeling in shock when he killed his partner’s children following a misunderstanding with their mother.

In another incident in 2022, a four-year-old child of Ramokgala cattle post succumbed to the injuries allegedly caused by his 25-year-old stepfather.

That same year at Magapatona ward, Tutume, a father also killed his three-year-old son and committed suicide. The father had allegedly taken the child with the permission of the mother and his ex-girlfriend with the pretence that he was visiting his mother with the child.

In 2021, a man appeared before court and was accused of poisoning his child in a brazen attempt to avoid paying child maintenance.

Moreover, back in 2019 in an incident that shocked the whole nation, a 28-year-old man of Kacgae village killed his girlfriend’s two children, a four-year-old girl and a five-year-old boy before committing suicide following an altercation with his girlfriend, the children’ mother.

Prior to the incident, he had allegedly suggested that they should kill them by poisoning them because they were not his biological children. Then the police discovered the two children’s bodies hanging on trees on the outskirts of the village.

Asked about the frequency of filicide cases, the cause and what the police are doing to curb this scourge, the Botswana Police Service (BPS), Public Relations Officer, Senior Superintendent Near Bagali said these cases are currently under investigation and therefore he could not divulge any information.

Defining factors of revenge filicideRevenge filicides are often linked to many factors so Mmegi interviewed psychologist, Tsholo Zion to explain the factors motivating people to kill their own children or stepchildren. Zion was quick to indicate that any other thing such as beating partners, killing them or their children are just triggers of the acrimony that has been in the person and unattended for so long.

Zion said murder cases involving lovers can be complicated to understand. “When one gets to hear of the reasons why the other crucified his partner, you’d be shocked because the reason is not really a reason. This does not mean that there is in any way a good reason to murder someone,” she said.

Zion added that people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and that people are broken on the inside as individuals do not take time to heal before committing to the next relationship.

She said, therefore, they end up putting their partner in impossible positions. “The truth is, what you are, is what you bring to the relationship. A broken, bitter, jealous, insecure person brings to relationship brokenness, bitterness, jealousy and insecurity,” she said.

Zion further stated that the acrimony in people is just way too much to entrust with another person who is also struggling with their own acrimony. She said people in relationships turn to trust their partners with an element of their inner internal conflict, brokenness. Zion said somehow people expect their partners to bring healing, which they and their God can only provide.

“People expect their partners to fit in the shoes too big for them to fit. When the entrusted partner fails to do that, because of the acrimony in the other person (bitterness, anger, revenge, etc.), something tragic happens,” she said.

She added that healing of the soul is required at a personal level before getting into a relationship. Zion said the healing of the soul if one does not attend to the past hurts, traumas and disappointments, they don’t just disappear, but they fester and eventually explode.

“People then do these drastic incidents as a way to heal themselves not knowing they’re actually aggravating their situation. These incidents may give false temporary satisfaction or calmness to them but the consequences are intense and very destructive and the level of regret that remains with the person can be extremely overwhelming to the abuser and can be life long, and not only that, even the sudden cessation of life and meaningful life comes to an end instantly,” she said.

“To curb this, it all calls to start with the individual, look deep within yourself, address the childhood traumas, individual failures, disappointments, hurts, the brokenness of past and current failed relationships, friendships, jobs, losses of different kinds and all sorts of soul breaking incidents,” Zion pointed out.

However, Zion said it is very crucial to find healing of the soul hence even imperative to seek healing not in a boyfriend or girlfriend. She said healing is not the responsibility of one’s partner.

“We should find happiness while still alone before committing to anyone. No one can make anyone happy. No one can successfully fill the void inside the other. No one can successfully remove the acrimony in another. It’s important to even have a personal therapist to help you through these everyday life challenges and inner conflicts. Emotional and soul healing is very important for the overall wellbeing and mental health of an individual, family, community and nation,” Zion said.

Moreover, Zion called on families to make it a habit and a normal to bring up children with the knowledge that, it is okay to talk when one has something bothering them no matter how ugly, uncomfortable and disturbing. “It’s also important to keep circles that help us grow, subscribe to pages and channels that aid us in being better persons and even help heal our soul and emotions,” Zion said.