Father’s Day: A Time To Throw Shade!

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday June 20, 2023 06:00

We just wanna talk so there’s no need to panic. We just wanna find out why they decided it should be during the coldest time of the year. As I write, there’s a menacing cold front creeping in to scupper those Father’s Day plans and put paid to the planned excitement.

It looks like it is going to be colder than a polar bear’s nipple in the next few weeks and Father’s Day promises to be even colder. This will give those who want to take us out for a treat the ammunition to renege.

Father’s Day is supposed to be a male version of Mother’s Day. But it is not. Father’s Day is actually a misnomer. On Mother’s Day, mothers get all sorts of gifts, well-wishes and dates. But on Father’s Day it is a chance for women to fight back. The Trash boat starts chugging on the eve of Father’s Day and only docks after a week.

In that time – if you have fathered a child – you will be called a sperm donor, a Tinto, a deadbeat father and all sorts of names that are not in the Bible. Sometimes it seems the presence of fathers on this planet is a zoning violation of sorts. Father’s Day also has a surgical sex-changing effect on ladies who on this day miraculously transform into fathers.

You will hear things like ‘Happy Father’s Day to me’ from several women. How they instantly became male is still a mystery but it is the type of magic that only happens on Father’s Day.

The sperm donor tag is the one that gains the most traction around this time. Most of us did not know this term until we got into the Father’s Day lane. Truth is our luck on Father’s Day is like a bald guy who has just won a comb. There’s an adage that goes, ‘give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will eat for a lifetime’. Something like that.

I heard some ladies trashing men with a twisted version that went something like, ‘If you give a Motswana dad a fish, he will eat for a day. But if you teach him how to fish he will bore you to death with endless stories and photos of himself on Facebook holding fish’. Bottom line being, just give a local dad fish and he will be out of your face. We want a clean Father’s Day next year.

All those who intend to call themselves fathers when they know full well they are female should either move on, self-counsel or drag whoever the father/culprit is to whatever court.

We have missed too many dates (no pun intended)! Perhaps this is the point where men should also receive the following advice. If you are a man and have at one time done the nasty with female folk that resulted in two-legged offspring, make sure you do your part to support their upbringing before you get ascribed funny funky nomenclature that is not very flattering. A parting shot to the person who decides on the annual almanac. Next time do better, we know your gender.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.