Welcome to the New Yerrrr

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday January 17, 2023 06:00

So any unsolicited advice could well be seen as just another attempt by a columnist to pad up their importance and up their stock. I think as columnists we are duty-bound to augment the government’s effort to salve the wounds of the jaded population. Obviously without the requisite expertise, some of you might well dismiss this as mere hot air.

So in short, I am not even going to try. Truth is, it is so late in the year that most New Year resolutions by now have fizzled out like a pay cheque in tax season. The New Year always has most of us feeling like we are just stepping off the porch. January always feels like trying to balance a balloon on a pin in a wind tunnel.

Financial advisors have tried to warn us about the perils of December but most of us were riding the social popularity endorphin high. We were determined to have as much fun as possible and pretend we were the next best thing after the fuel price drop that some of us found ourselves financially supporting hobbies such as drinking alcohol.

Buying people and strange creatures the ‘unholy waters’ is one of those things that make you very popular with most folks. This is where most of the annual savings and investments went.

Almost everybody pulled that kind of subversive stunt. There’s something about the December air that induces deafness of sorts. Advisors of all sorts have churned out tonnes of advice until they were blue in the face but it somehow inexplicably does not sink in. This means there’s a whole chunk of the population whose money tanks are running just below empty.

Most of us are going to come back with wigs that look like they have survived the Boksburg explosion. Most of us are going to come back with wafer-thin bank balances. Most of us are going to come back to fridges populated by water bottles and an onion. It is basically a time to gnash teeth or gums for those that do not have any. When January rolls in, most of us start getting confused by ‘available balance’ and ‘actual balance’. The difference between the two has been drummed into people’s heads for years.

For 11 months of the year people will understand this distinction perfectly until January happens along. Then the confusion just sets in. This is more confusing than a pregnant nun at a monastery.

The Confusing Episodes File must have pages and pages dedicated to ‘available balance’ and ‘actual balance’. But there are some positives though. The news mill started whirring at full throttle as soon as the year started. There was a local artist who won a car after being voted for by the public. Now the winner turned out to be very fussy and complained when it stalled, when it ran out of petrol and promptly went to solicit social media support. And of course the keyboard warriors came in droves to trash it.

I actually thought it was unfair for the upcoming artist to expect more than what he got. On closer inspection, the vehicle looked exactly like the van that was used by the A-Team in that American action-adventure television series that ran on TV in the 80s. That van was abused by those outlaws and it can never be fair to expect it to be still fresh after all those years. So it is only fair to expect the constant breakdowns. I hope we can all survive January. I do not even want to mention December because most Motshelo treasurers are still stuck in that time period trying to ward off litigation, angry club members and spouses waiting for their share of the loot.

So as we welcome the New Year, I can’t shake off the feeling that it is just another new yerrrr for most of us. (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.