State of the nation and dress

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday November 22, 2022 06:00

This is an event where Members of Parliament (MPs) and very eminent executives make their way to Parliament to hear the President speak about how well or how sick the nation is in terms of the economy, health and how to deal with disorderly neighbours.

All the who’s whos, the who’s nots and the who’s been converge at the August House to listen to the President break down the issues. For some of us, the SONA is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

This is why the task of delivering SONA is left to the first citizen to make it palatable to the masses. Most of us are basically proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death and we need this properly broken down into minute pieces so we can engage in arguments about it in bars. The President has his hands full trying to make it work.

I am sure if you had checked on the President the day before the SONA, you would have found a sign in big red letters saying something like, ‘The President is so busy we don’t even know if he’s found a rope or lost a horse. In the meantime, there will be no visitors allowed’. The SONA is divided into two parts - the fashion parade and the speech itself.

The fashion parade is the prelude to the speech. Most came dolled up and looked like a million bucks though there were some that were perilously close to the few hundred bucks look. We didn’t quite like some of the outfits, of course, like my MP’s suit. In fact, my fellow constituents were unimpressed to the point of wondering if they have the right person in Parliament in the first place.

Some are even suggesting he should not be out on his own without parental or councilor supervision. But notwithstanding that, you could see that in terms of effort, he had gone all out to make a statement. It would be very difficult to find that type of suit in a normal shop selling normal things at normal prices. So I want to believe the suit was imported from across the oceans.

But we should hand it to our MPs. They were really nattily-dressed and properly groomed. Even the MP whose barber doesn’t seem to take his work seriously had a more than a decent haircut. I suppose there’s a SONA haircut and other non-SONA haircuts in his range of limited offerings – the latter seemingly the one he makes more money from as this is the one the MP prefers more.

As they shuffled across the red carpet in pairs like they were getting into Noah’s Ark, you couldn’t help but admire that even MPs with just passable looks were now looking quite radiant and beautiful.

Those who haven’t made it to the DC’s office yet to exchange vows dragged their unwilling friends and over-eager offspring to complete the Noah pair outlook. Every year, the Toms, Dicks and Harrys complain about the length of the speech – that the speech is too long and has to be somewhat compressed into half an hour or thereabout and cover just the salient points.

This cannot be fair though as the MPs have expended quite a bit of effort and money (including crossing oceans as is the case with my MP) to procure their outfits. They cannot be on show for just 30 minutes.

That would be sacrilege of the highest order. The speech must take a few hours to allow the camera lenses enough time to capture the outfits and improve their front pages the following week. The SONA will then be followed by a response to the SONA by all types of political groupings. The Leader of Opposition (LoO) will weigh in with his thoughts about what should have been said. The leader of the minority parties too will say his bit. Now these two will not agree with 75% of what has been said by the President.

I have a suggestion. Why don’t the three sit together and agree on the state of our nation first before they come to us? That way they would not have to deride each other in public.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.