GC: Where Is the excitement!

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday August 23, 2022 06:00

Sometimes I feel the city needs excitement. Verging on weird even.

Ok I agree half the city is conservative especially the inner city retired folk whose main vocation is buying a newspaper and arguing about the contents and trying to juxtapose with their times when it was perfectly fine to wear high-heeled shoes and take swigs from a beer bottle as one walked the streets.

In the previous century around the 80s/90s, which is actually a long time ago, most of the excitement was brought about by motorists arguing about who was first to arrive at the four-way intersection. Eventually people got tired of that and started visiting places that had been bombed to stare and carry the news to their families.

This was the time when apartheid South Africa used to raid us willy nilly in a vain attempt to exterminate all South Africans who were in exile. So we actually then had a situation where black South Africans were not safe outside and inside South Africa. That meant due to the numerous raids our country was actually Beirut lite – basically a poor man’s Beirut where bombs explode at the drop of a mango.

When the novelty of raids and bombs wore off we went back to wine, beer and whisky. But as we were going about our normal, little miserable lives a beer joint tired of the blandness that had become the template did the unthinkable. Naked beauties were spotted serving customers at one popular joint. The city fathers were not impressed. From the VDC chairperson to the councillor to the MP to the minister everyone demanded consequences for the offending lot. The city was divided in two – law enforcement vs people in favour of being served by naked beauties.

The latter group (yoked by the burden of conservativism) was less vocal and didn’t have the guts to speak for naked waitresses and law enforcement won and the beauties and their type were never seen again. But the seed had been planted and locals started crossing the border to access their services in South Africa. By services I mean being served a cold beer by a naked beauty and nothing beyond that so don’t get me wrong. These days our biggest excitement is the opening of a supermall.

Currently, the city folk have their excitement cranked to crazy mode because a new supermall has just opened next to a flyover. Obviously after a while the threat of vehicles hurtling off the flyover onto people doing their shopping will wear off and we won’t have to shop whilst craning our necks towards the flyover. At this point our cellphone cameras are whirring away and Facebook is currently clogged with ‘Situation right now’ posts. The Fields Mall things’.

This is what will sustain our excitement till the next charismatic foreign pastor hits our shores. Covid though has taken the wind out of many a foreign prophet’s sails as their healing powers had failed to navigate the Covid hurdle and some were even forced to close shop. Some of their flock have turned into little rebels and have stopped calling them ‘father’ and ‘daddy’ – they are now just moruti. Now their visits are at best intermittent and only the brave ones make it across the border. So the next excitement in reality will be provided by the Independence Day celebrations.

New flyovers are sprouting all over the Western Bypass. Soon we will be there taking selfies in the first few weeks. Then in the second month it will be folks from the nearby villages. After that, in the 3rd month, it would be people from far flung villages who only make it to the city during BDF day or Independence Day. After that they would revert to being traffic conveniences and no longer photo shoots spots. We will then drop these like used dental floss and amble on to the next spot of excitement.

It does sometimes seem like blandness is our thing here and we are latching at every opportunity to forget our economy-razed lives. A thought for the city leadership – as you try to find ways to clean the city, get traffic lights and streetlights working, knock the mayor off his mayoral seat also please think about how to deal with the blandness that has basically become a second name for the city.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.