My partners are the complete opposite of my prayers

Gaone Monau | Monday May 30, 2022 08:50

DEAR ANONYMOUS

Life is generally divided into six areas; emotional, social, financial, intellectual, physical and spiritual. When parties are compatible or almost in all these six areas the relationship stands a greater chance of success even if the parties were to tie the knot. It is worth highlighting that compatibility is not a given that the relationship will flourish, it is a just a predictor that the romance has a higher probability at success. Additionally, regardless of how compatible lovers are in all areas of life, there will always be incompatibilities between them; incompatibilities arising from their own individual uniqueness and gender.

Emotional intelligence speaks of an individual’s ability to discern and process their emotions constructively. When parties level of emotional intelligence is at par, they are able to resolve conflicts and differences in their relationships amicably. This does not exclude the possibility of heated arguments or emotionally charged days at times, it simply means that despite all that conflict in this type of relationship helps the parties to know and fathom each other better. When there is a greater level of emotional disparity in the relationship it may cause unnecessary conflicts, as our level of emotional intelligence largely influences our daily choices. Emotional intelligence is mostly not taught within the confines of a classroom unless one is training for a course in that area of specialty. One can be born with a greater emotional intelligence. On the one hand another may not be naturally endowed with emotional intelligence but develop it through self-education.

As espoused in my erstwhile article on different types of personalities, some people are naturally energized by social interactions and have a greater need for friendships and socializing whereas some people have are energized by solitude and have a lesser need for social interactions or friendships in general. In some instances, social polar opposites attract. In such an event, the parties would have to compromise on each other’s individual needs for solitude and social interactions in order for the relationship to work. In some instances, though the relationship may never work as the party with a lesser need for social interactions may constantly feel insecure about his/her sweetheart’s countless interactions with his/her friends or public in general. The socially active party may also feel bored around his/her lone partner who lavishes in solitude.

Our intellectual make up depicts our hunger and keenness to learn. Some people are perpetual students and ever energetic intellectually. Our intellectual make up is independent of formal education. One may be formally educated but show no interest in reading after college. Another may be formally educated but in the habit of reading in their many other areas of interest after college even they do not get another degree. On the one hand one may be devoid of college credentials but be in the habit consciously reading, listening or watching diverse educational content for personal development and fun. Where intellectual opposites (i.e., one with an unquenchable intellectual hunger and another with minimum or no intellectual curiosity) the parties may continually feel bored and unheard in each other’s presence. The intellectual hungry partner may thirst for intellectually stimulating conversations whereas the non- philosophical partner may have nothing to offer in that sphere and feel bored by such conversations. The intellectual learns, understands and views life primarily through the lens of research whereas the non – intellectual learns, understands and views life primarily through the lens of social interactions. For the intellectual social interactions are a secondary form of learning and may help them understand their primary learning method of research more. As for the non - intellectual research is rarely or never a secondary method of learning for them. Where intellectual opposites (i.e., one with an unquenchable intellectual hunger and another with minimum or no intellectual curiosity) the parties may continually feel bored and unheard in each other’s presence. The intellectual hungry partner may thirst for intellectually stimulating conversations whereas the non- philosophical partner may have nothing to offer in that sphere and feel bored by such conversations.

Conversely the non - intellectual or less intellectual partner may be craving for conversations that do not border on the intellect with their beloved. A relationship between two intellectuals who are compatible in all the other areas of life may most likely be very fulfilling as the parties would naturally enjoy each other’s’ company; the same eventuality would be replicated in a union between non/lesser - intellectual partners. Gross intellectual disparities create a lacuna in the relationship and where both parties do not have friends or associates who can fill that lacuna, the relationship may eventually die. However, relationships between highly intellectual and non-intellectual individuals may interestingly thrive as the parties may balance each other’s’ methods of learning and understanding the world. Our intellectual make up predominantly determines our level and style of reasoning.

Financial intelligence bespeaks a person’s efficiency at handling and managing their finances. Most courses do not train graduates on this type of intelligence. Therefore, this type of intelligence is mostly self-taught if not naturally bequeathed. The parties’ financial outlook influences the decisions in their relationship. One may be a risktaker and entrepreneurial whilst the other loves to play it safe and fears a challenge.

We all naturally have different spending habits. Some are impulsive spenders whilst others are more disciplined spenders. Distinct individual financial patterns in a relationship may breed disharmony if the parties cannot find a ‘financial meeting of the minds’. The said meeting of the minds may entail either tolerance of each other’s’ spending habits or a financial middle ground in the best interests of the union. Economic dissension and misappropriation in a marriage is sometimes the axe that grinds the relationship to a pulp eventually resulting in divorce.

Spirituality connotes what governs our beliefs in general. Some people believe that there is a Higher Being that ought to be worshipped; a Higher being that created the universe and runs it. The concept of a Higher Being is present in almost all the religions of the world. Though most religion across the globe share commonalities, they also have startling differences. Some religions believe that a woman was just created for procreation and family life. Others believe in the faculties of a woman beyond procreation and family life. When parties with contradicting belief systems tie the knot there is most likely going to be mayhem in the relationship. The level of disharmony would be determined by the depth and length of each parties’ beliefs. Where their beliefs are not rootbound, despite differing religious system it may be easier for them to find a compromise or divert to the other’s religion.

Contrariwise certain classes of people do not believe in the existence of any Higher Being.

Physical attraction connotes our natural inclination to being attracted to men/women of a certain body physique or physical features. It also connotes sexual compatibility between the parties. When parties’ erotic appetite is at par, the relationship will most likely thrive if they are compatible in many other areas. However, if they are not, may crumble or birth other problems. Some scholars propound that where the parties’ sexual hungriness are worlds apart, the parties should find a sexual middle ground. Others scholars proffer that in such instances the one with a lower libido should do exercises like sexual yoga or take natural stimulants to heighten their libido and match their partner’s. It is for each couple to decide what suits them best within the parameters of good sense and reasonableness.

Conclusively, perhaps if you make your prayers specific in light of the aforesaid areas of life rather than just abdicating the responsibility of the choice for your dream partner to God, you will stand a better chance of attracting and identifying your preferred partner at the right time. Gaone Monau is an attorney and motivational speaker on the areas of confidence building, stress management, relationships, self-discovery, gender-based violence and other specific areas of the law. For bookings, motivational talks, questions or comments on the aforesaid areas contact +26774542732 or laboutit22@gmail.com. Her Facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone. She will be hosting a webinar on Microsoft Teams; Dates Friday 3rd June 2022, Saturday 4th June 2022 & Sunday 5th June 2022 from 9 am – 12 - 30 pm. Are you losing relationships because of being too clingy? Do you keep on attracting the same type of toxic partners in different bodies? Do you want a healthy relationship with a reasonable partner? If your answer is in the affirmative then register for our webinar on; Attachment styles and Compatibility in a relationship, The law on Emotional Abuse in Botswana; Legal remedies for emotional abuse in Botswana; non litigatory remedies for emotional abuse; Habits that foster healthy love relationships; Registration fee for attendance of a webinar on one of the three dates stipulated above is P1500 per person. For more information email laboutit2022@gmail.com or contact 74542732.