Our eight-year-old daughter was molested by a close acquaintance

Gaone Monau | Tuesday March 15, 2022 06:00

Dear Anonymous

My heart pours out for you with splendid wishes and emotional healing for your daughter in her best interest. There is a plethora of complexities that may befall a sexually abused child in the long term if such a child is not emotionally healed from the trauma of sexual abuse. These complexities include but are not limited to:

• A gnawing sense of guilt and shame about oneself – the victim of sexual abuse may blame themselves for having been sexually abused in childhood. They may feel that something must have been wrong about them resulting in sexual abuse. This sense of unjustifiable guilt makes them harbour thoughts of shame and doubt about their worthiness as human beings which also increases their chances of teenage pregnancy.

• Somatic diseases – these types of diseases usually occur because of undealt with trauma that has accumulated over a long period of time. Sufferers of somatic diseases may find no satisfactory salvation from clinical medicine until they deal with the root cause of their unreleased trauma i.e. unreleased trauma that has now domiciled in their bodies and manifests in the form of somatic diseases or multiple perpetual body aches in some instances.

• Choosing a different sexual orientation – In some instances heterosexual kids who have been sexually abused by an abuser of the opposite sex consciously choose to be homosexuals as a result for fear of being harmed by the members of the opposite sex in a romance.

• Sexually avoidant behaviours – An adult who was sexually abused in childhood may avoid sexual intimacy in a relationship. They may come up with a litany of relentless excuses whenever the need for sexual intimacy in a romance arises. This may be due to the fact that their unhealed and traumatised selves view sexual intimacy as a torturous despicable act that reminds them of the sexual abuse encountered in childhood.

• Bestiality - this entails sexual intercourse with a person and animals. Bestiality is not only morally abhorrible, it is also a crime. Nonetheless, victims of sexual abuse at times copulate with animals as a way unleashing anger on the abuser through a vulnerable being such as an animal. Additionally, such victims opt for coitus with animals as they feel in charge with animals, they refrain from coition with human beings for fear of being hurt again sexually.

• Promiscuity – Victims of sexual abuse may sometimes have multiple partners as a way of numbing their unhealed trauma. Promiscuity may also be a desperate cry for validation; a desperate cry redemption from the deep sense of shame and guilt they have carried over the years as a result of sexual abuse. The more attention they get from various partners, the better and more validated such victims feel in their inner world.

• Re-enacting the abuse suffered in childhood – Unhealed sexual trauma from childhood increases the chances of a child falling into abusive relationships in later life. This occurs because an adult traumatised from sexual abuse in childhood may deem abuse as love; abuse may be the only way that was demonstrated to them in childhood.

• In other instances, the victim of sexual abuse may stay in abusive relationships in an effort to change the abuser – subconsciously they would be trying to relive their childhood through the abuser, with the fictitious hope that the abuser if the abuser changes, their hearts will rapture with joy.

• Additionally, the casualty of abuse may re – enact the abuse suffered in childhood by abusing children they come into contact with in the future, if it is convenient for them to enact the sexual abuse.

Conclusively, as alluded to, at the onset of this piece, the long-term effects of sexual abuse of minors aforementioned here are not exhaustive. Nevertheless, it is my legitimate hope that a bit of light has been shed on you and that as your daughter traverses the journey of emotional healing, she will emerge stronger and better empowered to ward off both the short term and long-term effects of sexual abuse. Gaone Monau is an attorney and motivational speaker. For bookings on gender-based violence awareness seminars, corporate training on specific areas of the law; relationships, confidence building, stress management and self-discovery contact +26774542732. Her email address is laboutit22@gmail.com. Her Facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone.