Kgwalabatlhe pens a book on narcissism
Nnasaretha Kgamanyane | Sunday February 13, 2022 06:00
Tsholo Kgwalabathe has written a book titled 'It Was Necessary.' In an interview with Arts & Culture, she explained that the book was about a personality disorder that is taking over the world - narcissism. She added that her book answers the questions that a lot of people in abusive and toxic relationships have yet they did not have authentic answers to. Those questions include; why do abusers in this case, narcissists do the things they do; why do they treat others including their love partners the way they do and why do they talk the way they do to others?
"My inspiration came from God. On my own, I never really thought I could write a book. After the whole experience of the relationship, once I was healed and whole again, that is when the push to write came. It came so strong I could not resist it. And once I had started writing, I began to enjoy it. And I did it with complete ease.
This book is inspired by real life, everyday experiences of a partner to a narcissist. So, it is a narrative book. Henceforth, it was easy for me to give explanations and examples from my experience because I wanted it to be relatable to the reader. I wanted it to be something that they could identify with and be in a position to use to reflect in their own lives," she explained.
Furthermore, she noted that she had written some articles in conjunction with a friend addressing narcissism in its broader context. She said the feedback showed that, the public appreciated the write-ups as they were very insightful, educative, informative, gave knowledge with understanding and brought awareness to them. Kgwalabathe also indicated that some readers were able to use the articles to reflect in their own lives and thereafter take the necessary steps to address the situations they were in.
That book is said to target anyone who is in an abusive, toxic relationship and is confused because she or he does not understand what was going on. It also targets anyone who has gone through an abusive and toxic relationship and finding it difficult to successfully heal and move on and anyone who wants to have a deeper and knowledge with understanding about narcissism.
This book has 154 pages and eight chapters. It was published by Evolve Syndicate Publishers, Botswana in January 2022. It educates the reader about what narcissism is. It gives the reader a clear picture of an everyday life of a partner to the narcissist. It gives in detail the effects or impact of narcissistic treatment on the partner. It outlines in detail to the reader how the author dealt successfully with the toxicity and impact of the abuse. It communicates to the reader, how the author turned the whole experience to power and how the whole experience consequently helped bring out the best version of herself which is necessary in pursuing her God given life purpose.
"The experience sharpened me and now I know a lot that most people do not know about narcissism (abusive and toxic relationships). Challenges faced were rather internal than external. Where I kept doubting myself and feeling as if I was revealing too much of my private life, because what happened, for a long time I was ashamed of and felt really bad and guilty about. So, fear would want to cripple me and discourage me from writing, thinking, "what would people say?" She said
She also pointed out that the achievements were more internal than external. She explained that she got a deep sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, contentment and joy after writing the book, because she knew she was walking in alignment with her God given life purpose which is inline with the will of God for her life.
Her advice to aspiring writers is that they should identify their purpose, because life was all about purpose. She explained that purpose guides and directs people adding that it leads and keeps them in check.
"Research has shown that, a lot of abusive and toxic relationships are attributed to one of the partners being a narcissist. It's important to note that, staying in an abusive relationship is not good for your mental health at all. So, if you are in it, look for help to deal with its impact which are very detrimental, also, speak up. If you are married, it is advisable you have a therapist for yourself to help you navigate through the relationship. But know this, narcissists do not have interest in you, they are not about to change, they are just after what they can get from you through manipulation, instilling fear in you, making you feel obligated to do what they what and by projecting guilt into you. Also know that, the truth of the matter is that, deep down, they (narcissists) are very insecure and weak people and they don't want people to know that. So, what they do is as a result of their deep rooted insecurities in them. They love control, want to be feared and worshiped. Love yourself enough to let go of toxic people around you," she advised.
Kgwalabatlhe is also a Psychologist and Founder and managing director of Explore Consults (Pty) ltd.