Closet Gays and Women

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Culture, family and friends sometimes guide how one behaves. It is so because a person, as an individual, always has the closest people that he/she lives to please such as family and friends.

Within the society, there are rules, regulations and expectations that one should behave and handle themselves in a certain way and that may put pressure on the individual to behave that way just to fit in the society.

Even though it is so, everyone has hidden skeletons in their closets. That is to say, they have something to hide- either acceptable or unacceptable.  As people, we keep secrets; some are only known by us and some we share with our close friends. It is highly unlikely, but possible, that some people die with their secrets but at the end of the day, every secret has its way of coming out.

People keep secrets for different reasons; for some it is because the things they did are embarrassing, while some may be because they are afraid of being judged.

It is true that your background, family and friends define who you are, but at some point one just has to take a stand and do what they believe is right and not give power to other people’s opinion.

Heterosexuality is the exclusive attraction between people of opposite sex and homosexuality, on the other hand, refers to the exclusive attraction between people of the same sex: Those being Lesbians and gays.

There are two kinds of gays; those who can be upfront and talk about them being gay- of which they are referred to as lifestyle gays. On the other hand, there are those who are naturally born gays and you cannot just tell unless they come out clean. Mostly, they never want to admit they are gay and could do anything to prove they are not.

With the assumption that everyone is straight, the society puts pressure on individuals who are gay to marry, settle down and have children.

The pressure is largely unspoken coming from family and friends. Moreover, these individuals may be in deep denial about their sexual orientation such that they are barely aware of being anything other than straight.

Many men struggle with their sexuality well in their 30s and beyond, that is when they would desperately want to have family and kids believing that a loving and sexual relationship with a straight person is proof they are straight to their family and friends. Therefore a closeted man always uses women as ‘beards’, to cover who they really are.

Also, some closeted men get married knowing fully well that they like other men. They do it because they are intimidated by their peers, bullied by friends and family or pretty much brainwashed by religious organisations and then they would find themselves in an uncomfortable and unhappy marriages because that’s not who they are.

Really, if a man knows he is gay wouldnt it be better for him to accept it and avoid dating women in the first place?

Painful though it may be, isn’t it about time we all faced the truth? Choosing to be single & secretly gay is better than hurting others beneath the lies and fake happiness.

Why do we live in a world where people feel they have to hide something as fundamental as sexuality? The only thing that seems fair is that gay guys should learn to be honest. It is very selfish and self-centered that a guy involves a women in his life to cover himself, just because they do not want their sexuality to be questioned.  That is just not right, if one gets aroused by someone of the same sex they are gay whether they live that lifestyle or not they are gay- its reality  and they should deal with it.

I understand that coming out is extremely emotional and hard process for most but what I do have a problem with is gay men running around pretending to be straight and having sexual relationships with women. That is so uncalled for. They use women as beard to cover themselves for who they are.

What about them? What about women who invested their hearts being played and used the whole time in someone’s secret life. Or worse developed commitments and attachments for something that is not real. Closeted men should quit lying to women and be real to themselves. No one can run away from reality.


Kelebileone Kokiso

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