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Of Emotional Abuse As A Form Of Gender Based Violence 3

GAONE MONAU
We are continuing our series on emotional abuse which is a type of gender-based and domestic violence.

Emotional abuse is not always one-sided in a relationship; at times both parties may be consciously or unconsciously abusing each other emotionally. This article speaks to some of the herein after mentioned emotional remedies; victims of emotional abuse can employ them in order to find healing following emotional abuse in an intimate relationship.

Acknowledge and accept that you have been emotionally abused and take responsibility for your healing. Our healing remains a phantom until we accept and confront the abuse we are incurring from the ‘supposed heaven’ of love.

Dig deeper within you to unearth why you stomached emotional abuse – Research shows that kids who were raised in abusive homes stand greater chances of being abuse victims or perpetrators when they enter adulthood. It is highly likely that you grew up in an abusive home and therefore do not have a picture of what a healthy relationship ought to be like. On other occasions sufferers of emotional abuse, more especially women entertain abuse due to economic dependence on the man.

Emotional abuse subjects who have not healed from childhood abuse usually feel defective to the core. Therefore they may just settle for the first love proposal that comes on their way without adequately analysing their prospective lover. This is due to the fact that such victims by and large mirror love proposals as a validation and bandage to their wounded core; therefore their identity become enmeshed in their lover’s identity. Casualties of emotional abuse may also find it hard to draw boundaries and express hurtful emotions in a relationship. The reasons given here as to why victims may have tolerated abuse are but a fraction of the totality.

Forgive yourself – When light sheds on the emotional abuse victim as to why they put up abuse, it becomes easier and vital for the victim to forgive himself/herself. Maya Angelou said ‘When I knew better I did better’. At this stage you have to address any self-loathing thoughts with self-forgiveness. Self forgiveness simply means being at peace with yourself for having consented to emotional abuse.

Practise self-care and self-love – Oftentimes, sufferers of emotional abuse have trauma bonds with their abuser; their watered down or diminished self-worth causes them to draw self-worth and self-esteem from the abuser, thus clinging to their abusive beloved despite the

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nightmarish treatment rendered to them. Numerous fatalities of emotional abuse have no personal identity; their personal identity is embroiled with that of the abuser. Therefore it is vital for casualties of abuse to foster worthy self-care and self-love habits that can help reinforce their personal identity and self-worth. Victims ought to look deep within them and draw out their personal worth that is independent of their partner or externals; the worth that Mother Nature bestowed upon each individual by virtue of being human; and the very worth that the Constitution recognises as human rights.

Find out what could have caused your partner to abuse you if possible – As already stated previously, perpetrators of abuse may have grown up in abusive homes. In some instances some may not even be aware of their abusive tendencies unless their darling firmly yet lovingly brings it to their attention. Some relationships may be salvaged if the emotional abuser is willing to take responsibility for his/her actions and understand the underlying cause of his/her abusive behavior. In some cases, the abuser may not be willing to change for the greater good of himself and relationship. In such cases, it is advisable to sever the relationship.

Even in incidents where the abuser is remorseful and doing the whole shebang to change, the victim of emotional abuse may feel so internally depleted and devoid of love and affection for their sweetheart that exiting or taking a break from the relationship may be the only viable option.

Now and again we may never really get to know the psyche and background of an abusive partner. However, the realisation that ‘broken people break others and hurting people hurt others’ may aid our healing. We are not always going to get closure from those that hurt us, but our healing is ours to own and execute with or without closure.

The next article will be an extension of this one. It will also touch on some of the legal remedies available to emotional abuse and abuse victims in general.

Gaone Monau is a practicing attorney and motivational speaker. For bookings on gender based violence awareness seminars, motivational talks or consultations on relationships, confidence building, stress management and self-discovery contact +26774542732 or  Email:  gpmonau@gmail.com.  Her Facebook page is (Be Motivated with Gaone).



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