In the last article we talked about femicide suicide (popularly known as passion killings in Botswana) and why women cheat on their partners.
This edition would touch on some of the reasons why men commit femicide suicide. According to the theory of male proprietariness, men in intimate relationships believe that they own women; such men are of the view that no other man must ever date/marry their partners except themselves. They also believe that their female partners ought to stay in relationships with them as long as males so wish.
Because of the patriarchal system men feel entitled to dominate women in love relationships resulting in unequal power in the relationship. Proponents of the male proprietariness theory argue that femicide suicide is a result of males treating females as their property and therefore feeling like failures when females decide to exit the relationship. On the other hand opponents of the male proprietariness theory proffer that men do not just kill their partners out of the notion that women are their property. Some commit femicide suicide because of the fear of rejection, stress, economic factors e.t.c One of our fundamental needs as human beings is love; it is therefore no thunderbolt that we sometimes fear being rejected by the people we so dearly love. At some point in our lives we may feel rejected when; we are passed over for promotion at work, a lover dumps us, friends or business partners sever ties with us. How we handle rejection can either build or destroy us. Occasionally, femicide suicide is an indicator of the fear of rejection handled destructively. The fear of rejection may stem from hopelessness. When parties have been dating or married more especially for a lengthy period and the female partner decides to call it quits without a meeting of the minds, the man may be encircled in gloom and doom. Countless thoughts as to how the future would be agonising and dull without their beloved may flood their mind. Studies show that males tend to externalise blame and express moral outrage when going through turbulent times. Conversely females are prone to internalising blame and falling into depression during stormy seasons. Therefore men’s tendency to externalise blame when acutely stressed or livid sometimes leads to them blaming their lady friends for split ups
If certain quarters of our societies domiciled in their hearts that relationships ought to be equal partnerships where parties share power in their love paradise, and not a dictatorship where power is vested in the man only, statistics on passion killings in Botswana will probably dwindle. Men grieving from loss of relationships also ought to trust in their God given ability to navigate through the maze of life with inner strength and gusto even without partners they so affectionately adored.
The end of affinity may be a shield from a loveless relationship; for ‘love in lovelessness’ often breeds bitterness, mistrust, and all sorts of mayhem. It is vital that males be encouraged to constructively express their deepest pains, worries and fears without fear of being victimised. Femicide suicide in some cases is a compound effect of men’s failure to consistently identify and process painful emotions constructively.
The economic gap between men and women ought to be closed as much as is achievable. In the absence of sterling financial differences between males and females, parties in love relationships would most likely reciprocate financial input in each other’s lives, thereby reducing prospects of femicide suicide if the relationship terminates. Conclusively, given that most passion killings in our nation are committed by unmarried men whlist dating, the time has never been so germane for our motherland to promulgate more statutes that precisely govern ordinary love relationships between unwed parties. Peradventure such laws would reinforce the sanctity of love and help curb gender based violence, more especially femicide suicide.
Gaone Monau is a practicing attorney and motivational speaker. For bookings on gender based violence awareness seminars, motivational talks or consultations on relationships, confidence building, stress management and self-discovery contact +26774542732 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Her facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone.