I recently had an interesting talk with a friend of mine about the amount of lies that are told within romantic relationships- lies about children out of wedlock, lies about affairs and people’s whereabouts in order to hide their rendezvous, lies about money… the list could continue endlessly.
The question to ask is why do people feel the need to lie. The obvious answer is that they are afraid of the repercussions of the truth. Oh, people can hide it with various justifications. “I want to protect my children. I want to protect my spouse. I don’t want to embarrass my family….” I still believe at the root of it is fear of what would happen if the truth came out. Without a secure identity, the temptation is to live a lie, which you feel, will portray you in the best light.
Darkness and intentional deception become the default choice. In the wake of choosing to live in the shadows of deception, I feel it must weigh heavy on the person’s heart. Pretending gets taxing after awhile when you so deeply want to take the mask off and just be seen for whom you are but you are so scared to do so. Deep down, they know what they are doing is wrong and they can’t tell. Every act of love is questioned because the person must ask, “Would they still love me if they knew the secret I was hiding?” In the case of a child being raised without knowing the true identity of their father for fear of exposing an illicit affair, the mother must feel guilt, wondering if she is making the right choice by covering up what she now sees as an irresponsible choice.
What does the Bible say about this? John 8:32 says that the Truth shall set you free. 1 John 1 lets us know that if any of us claim to be without sin, we lie and the Truth is not in us. It goes on to say that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins. Galatians 5:1 tells us it is for FREEDOM that Christ died for us.
John 3 assures us Jesus didn’t come to condemn us but to save us. Romans 5:8 reaffirms this truth when it says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Here are the key points I want you to hear. God knows you are not perfect! He loves you anyway! And the number one gift He wants to give you – FREEDOM. Freedom to walk in light. Freedom to leave the deeds that later make you ashamed. Freedom to speak TRUTHFULLY and live a life you are proud of. Freedom to be loved and freedom to love others. You don’t need to pretend any longer. A saviour awaits to walk you through to a life of peace and acceptance if you will just boldly and bravely take that step out of darkness and into the light. Romans 8:1 promises there is NO CONDEMNATION IN CHRIST!
I can’t guarantee your spouse will forgive you but I can 100% promise if
You have two choices. You can continue to live a lie and live under the guilt of dishonesty or you can come clean. The spouse might leave you if you come clean but honestly if your entire relationship is built on lies and deception, it will never be a fulfilling relationship anyway. Peace will always evade the couple that is afraid of sharing honestly and openly. Somehow people just know when their others aren’t being totally honest. They may not be able to put their finger on it, but they know there is something amiss. However, generally, if you are truly repentant and showing that you regret your actions and subsequently want to choose light, love and open honesty, these things have a way of working themselves out. Albeit, there will be tears, angry words, and hurt but issues can be worked out with proper communication and respect if there is a mutual desire to move forward. Ironically, I have heard of countless testimonies personally of couples who come to me for counseling who actually are STRONGER once they work through their issues honestly because at least now there is a foundation of trust and a desire to no longer deceive one another. I believe you would rather have 3 friends who truly know you and accept you for who you genuinely are than 100 who like you based on a misleading deception. It is mentally exhausting to keep up with the façade! The reality is you really do yourself a disservice if you choose to hide who you really are because you are afraid to let people in lest they leave you if they know you have made mistakes.
Rather come first to God to feel His loving arms surround you, sin and all, and then begin to trust a few people with the ‘real you’. It is a gift you give yourself and others to let people in and ultimately to let light and truth penetrate through the walls of darkness and deception. Remember, Christ came to set you free. Let that TRUTH release you from the prison of fear and hide no longer.
*Ashley Thaba is a popular motivational speaker, team building facilitator, author and the Producer of a hit TV show offering practical advice to strengthen families and improve marriages! Episodes of her show can be downloaded from her website – www.ashleythaba.com.You can view some of her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba. You can buy three of her books, Dive In, Making Marriages Fun, and Conquering the Giants, on her website. You can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow her on Facebook at: Talking with the Thabas