For the next three weeks, you are in for a treat. A friend of mine, Gracious Chifamuna, recently lost her husband tragically.
This has thrust her into the world of single mom and taught her valuable lessons that I thought would encourage many people. As she and I spoke, I felt I should invite her to teach some of those to us in a three-week series. Gracious is an E coach in South Africa. You can contact her on this website, HYPERLINK “http://courses.knowinggod.co.za/” “_blank” courses.knowinggod.co.za. Below is her first article.
Who is going to be my dad? “Who is going to be my dad?” was the very first question that my then five-year-old asked me when I told my four kids that dad had gone home to be with the Lord.
I believe this question is in many kids who have lost their dads or whose dads are absent. I will share my story, thoughts, lessons, and insights that I have learned so far through my own personal experience and the experiences of other single moms as well with regards challenges faced both by single moms and their kids. My intention is to inform everyone about these real struggles and later share how the society and the body of Christ can offer practical help.
The series I pray, will result in action and new strategies that will help in raising a Godly generation. Would you join me with an open heart and mind? Now back to the main question, “who is going to be my dad?’ Later that very week, my same five-year-old asked our regional director who had come to help us with the repatriation process, ’are you going to be our dad?’
Yes, she had no idea what it meant, all she wanted was a replacement, she needed someone to still call dad, she was longing for the love and affection she used to receive from her father. She could not figure out life without a dad. All her first five years she had grown in a home where mom and dad were present.
The sad part is the fact that many kids are asking the very same question. A few moments later, still seated and literally holding tight my four kids, my daughter asked a second question, ‘Who is going to take us to school?’ This question made me realise something a little later, for five years my daughter had an opportunity to see some roles that her dad was performing, and now she was trying to picture who is going to do that.
Many times, my four-year-old son reminds me that his dad used to bath him, throw him in the air and play all the rough games which sometimes would scare me to death. It is something
My first daughter was worried about our finances. She asked me if I was going to take two jobs to replace dad’s salary. She had seen her dad work and provide for us and she did not need to worry about that. Dad is gone who is going to provide? On the other hand, I had no idea what my nine-year-old was battling with. It only came out recently and here are his words:
“I know that God is now our Father, but I now feel so secure that I still have a dad and it feels so cool.” I know a dear friend who went through divorce, one of her sons is really battling with insecurity.
Each family, child and culture is different, however here are some general trends seen in kids who are raised by single moms: low self-esteem, identity crisis (my ten year old daughter asked if we were going to maintain the same surname) violent behaviours, kids mature too early to assume responsibilities. I remember that my first daughter when asked what was the first thing that came to her mind when she heard the news by our counsellor, she said that she told herself that she now needed to step up. Yes, it might seem a good thing, but I still want her to be a kid like any other kid. I am sure any parent can agree with me on this one.
These are just but a few mentioned struggles/challenges that are faced by kids who are raised by single moms. Next week I will share some struggles that a single mom face as she raises her kids!
*Ashley Thaba is a popular motivational speaker, team building facilitator, author and the Producer of a hit TV show offering practical advice to strengthen families and improve marriages! Episodes of her show can be downloaded from her website – www.ashleythaba.com.You can view some of her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba. You can buy three of her books, Dive In, Making Marriages Fun, and Conquering the Giants, on her website. You can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow her on Facebook at: Talking with the Thabas