Conflict is inevitable.
We will all face it, probably on a daily basis. The difference between a peaceful and stressful life is our ability to deal with it. When conflict is unresolved, blood pressures raise, fights occur, and relationships deteriorate. On the contrary, when conflict is resolved amicably, relationships are actually strengthened as people work through their differences.
This is actually an area I wish companies would call me to work with them in because I believe time and resources are wasted on a daily basis in the workplace because people have not learned good conflict resolution skills. I am consistently shocked to find people would rather sabotage an individual they are mad at rather than work for the good of the company because of unresolved issues. The workplace is not the only place that suffers from bad conflict resolution issues. Marriages also suffer when two people haven’t learned these skills. I sincerely hope you can watch our TV episode on conflict resolution on BTV this coming Sunday night at 7:30 pm or download it off our website HYPERLINK "http://www.ashleythaba.com/tv" www.ashleythaba.com/tv . We will teach you very practical skills on exactly how to resolve conflict. We will even give you examples of specific fights we have had and things we did wrong and things we did right, so that it is real and practical dealing with issues any one of us could face on any given day.
In the recording of this show, a question was asked to us, “What are a couple of specific techniques one could use to better solve conflicts? Below is our answer exactly as it appears in our marriage workbook, which can be bought on our website, www.ashleythaba.com.
Here are some practical methods to solve conflict more effectively.
1) Sandwich method – say a positive thing, the negative thing (area for constructive criticism), then another positive thing.
Example 1: I am so grateful you put the energy into preparing dinner tonight. Do you mind if I am honest though that I actually don’t really enjoy eating this particular dish? Again, I am so thankful that you are always serving me, and I usually enjoy all your tasty meals.
The benefit of this method is that the person hears that they are good and not all bad. Most of the time, we are quick to criticise but not so quick to compliment. The result is that people either tune off because they hate to be told how bad they are, or they feel so defeated that they lose the desire to even try because it seems like all you ever see is the negative anyway. Plus, even for you, the one bringing up the issue, it is a good mental exercise to force yourself to see 2 positives to every negative so that you also don’t unintentionally dwell on the negative and see
2) Focus on ONE CURRENT problem at a time.
It is so important to bring up each issue as soon as possible because if not, what happens, is you are remembering everyone and when you finally start talking about your issues, weeks of piled up hurts spill over and make it almost impossible to solve all the issues raised. There is wisdom in bringing ONE issue at a time. Solve it and move on.
Also, be very careful not to keep bringing up past issues. SOLVE it fully and move on. Forgive and learn from mistakes and move on. It is demoralising to keep bringing up an issue you thought was dealt with over and over.
3) Deal with issues immediately, even if it is uncomfortable.
4) Always try and hear why another person is hurting. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you!
5) When you bring up the conflict, start by admitting your faults in it. That will soften the other person to admit their faults also.
6) Never name call! Deal with the emotions felt because of the conflict but don’t insult their character.
7) When you apologise, be specific with what you did wrong.
8) Ask for forgiveness when all is dealt with and ensure the issue is completely dealt with before you put it away and now only refer back to it when you are laughing about it later.
If you are reading this and work for a company which has employees that are struggling to manage their conflict, please contact us to come do a communication and conflict resolution workshop. Solving conflict and communicating effectively is a useful skill in every area of our lives and tremendously improves the general mood and productivity of the office when people are working in unity and peace.
For more practical tips which are guaranteed to enhance your relationship with your partner, our marriage book is available in electronic copy on our website, HYPERLINK "http://www.ashleythaba.com" www.ashleythaba.com . We have written it because we believe strong relationships make for strong people. When you are in love and feel secure and happy in your relationship, we believe you will be a happier more productive member of society in general. We hope you can download the book and begin to grow today.
Ashley Thaba is a popular motivational speaker, team building facilitator, author and the Producer of a hit TV show offering practical advice to strengthen families and improve marriages! Episodes of her show can be downloaded from her website – www.ashleythaba.com.You can view some of her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba. You can buy three of her books, Dive In, Making Marriages Fun, and Conquering the Giants, on her website. You can email her at HYPERLINK "mailto:email@example.com" firstname.lastname@example.org or follow her on Facebook at: Talking with the Thabas