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COVID-19: The Battle Between Quarantine and Guarantee

THULAGANYO JANKIE
The moon is made of cheese! Well, it is not and anybody who thinks like this needs to be checked into a mental facility.

Fat chance. In these days of COVID-19 the only places anybody is going is to a hotel to be quarantined. Yes, quarantined. Until recently only farmers knew this word and what it meant.

Now thanks to COVID-19 this word just rolls off the tongue.

As usual initially there was a battle between quarantine and guarantee on social media but the COVID-19 messages were laid on thick enough for the populace to see the distinction. No longer are people getting ‘guaranteened’  at Masa but they are being quarantined at these high-end hotels.

The average citizen spends most of his thinking and planning how to one day lodge in these posh facilities. Like all plans that are motivated by satiating a sentimental need these usually peter off like the proverbial lame duck. Thanks to COVID-19 even an average bloke like me might find himself lodging in a prestigious suite, the type that you see in movies being occupied by Italian Mafias.

I am sure the first guy in the quarantine said something like ‘Masa you beaut come give me a hug’ as if it’s some long lost lover who has finally come to her senses and returned to her real true love. For those who have not been quarantined yet - and have turned a darker shade of green - the luxuries that are here are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine so they need not worry. We have a bigger monster to contend with and the creature comforts here are secondary.

The onset of this virus also meant

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a factory of excuses was officially commissioned and opened. Every excuse was tagged with COVID-19. The elusive tenants were now calling the landlords to tender apologies of why they could not pay rent. The reason: COVID-19. Project managers whose projects were behind schedule even before the pandemic were now blaming their inefficiency on COVID-19. Errant men who were at least six months in maintenance arrears were now blaming COVID-19 for their delinquency. Even the public transporters refused to give back the right amount of change and blamed it on COVID-19.

Currently the government is as busy as a cow’s tail in fly time. The COVID-19 messages are flying thick and fast and this time in unprecedented fashion many of the citizens have paid their Dstv subscriptions just so that they can access Btv. Read that again.

Not Supersport, not Mzansi Magic, not Discovery Channel but Btv. In a way history is being made as the viewership of Btv has soared to a cool 2.5 million which is the population of this republic.

Covid-19 is truly on a rampage as if a hundred bulls have been let loose in a china shop. This is just a metaphorical expression, though, and has nothing to do with the origins of the virus.

Stay indoors and support government efforts to thwart this pandemic. Support your effort actually.

By staying home and washing your hands once, twice, thrice......until you go to sleep you improve your chances to come back here and enjoy this column. Don’t spill it.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com)



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