With advised quarantines all around the world surrounding the Corona issue, you are seeing more of your family than you are used to. Conflict is inevitable in families, especially in stressful conditions where you might not be able to leave and get space.
This coming week’s episode of Talking with the Thabas on Sunday night at 7:30pm. on BTV is a must-watch because we are going to discuss some practical tips on how to deal with conflict effectively to build the relationship rather than destroy it. The Bible talks a lot about this subject. Throughout Proverbs, in more verses than I can quote, it talks about how the wise will always listen to advice and not be so arrogant to think their way is the only way. Peace and love are dominating themes throughout the pages of scripture. A few specific places to go and look are Psalms 34:14, Hebrews 12:14, Romans 12:18 where we are advised to go and SEEK peace and DO everything we can to live at peace with everyone.
As you meditate on these scriptures, you will realise that peace never happens by accident. In a world of sinful men who all want their way and see things from their perspective, peace is a CHOICE. It is something you have MAKE an EFFORT to have. Every single day we rub someone the wrong way. We say something that someone gets offended by. We do something that hurts someone else. We have to make the choice to say I CARE ENOUGH ABOUT PEOPLE OTHER THAN MYSELF to put the work in to do everything I can to live in peace with those around me.
It takes work! Solving conflict is messy and uncomfortable! There are tears! Unwanted feelings of discomfort emerge as you rehash events that deeply hurt you. It takes time to sit and deal with painful emotions. Time we usually don’t want to set aside for something that seems as if it will just bring more pain. But here is the thing. IF you learn some HELPFUL conflict resolution tips, then I PROMISE at the end of your confrontational talks, you will be closer to the person. You will feel a burden lifted on your soul. Your mind will feel clearer without the stress of replaying how that person has hurt you and love will push its way into the places where bitterness once prevailed.
The show will cover this topic in detail, but just to give you a few tips here, let’s analyze James 1:19-21. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”
Be quick to listen. Do not always assume the person meant to hurt you. It usually is a misunderstanding. If you give the person the benefit of the doubt to explain themselves, usually you will see it from their
Slow to speak. Take a moment. Process what you have heard. Pray and ask God for patience and wisdom. Breathe. THINK before you talk and say something you will regret.
Slow to become angry. Anger is a natural emotion. Anger will well up when you are focused on your emotions. But, if you can really put all your energy into trying to understand the other person’s point of view, you will find anger will subside as you seek understanding instead of vindication. Ask God for supernatural love which will help you to be slow to anger.
Understand, anger produces sin. God calls us to live righteous lives. We will get hurt, but if we seek to have a good relationship with God, we need to more concerned with making it right with others than being the one who wins the argument. A righteous life comes when a person seeks peace not when a person acts out of anger. Sometimes that means swallowing your pride and forgiving a person who has wronged you for the sake of love and peace.
Get rid of all moral filth. We find many times anger is caused by OUR sin. We cheat. We lie. We lust. We make selfish decisions. OBVIOUSLY, conflict will surround you. You don’t care about how your actions affect others. Get rid of that sin by coming to God and saying God, I surrender! Cleanse me. Take my life and change my desires. Fill me with your Spirit of self-control and You be in charge. I am going to do things your way because my way seems to continually attract trouble!
Humbly accept the word which can save you. If you get to the point that you are ready to LIVE IN PEACE then meditate on the Bible. Accept that God is smarter than you and His words can give you advice that can actually help improve your life if you follow them in their entirety, not picking and choosing what makes you comfortable. Remember this important point. HIS TRUTH WILL SET YOUR FREE. If you find yourself lying, you are still walking according to your rules. God will always call you to speak TRUTH and LOVE. God’s word can be a lamp unto your feet, a wise and comforting word on your tongue and a soothing balm for your soul and mind that will guide you to WANT to live in peace with others and know HOW to live in peace with others.
Watch BTV this coming Sunday night 7:30 to get loads more practical tips on Conflict Resolution. I pray your time with your family during these quarantined times will allow you time to mend relationships and come out stronger on the other side.
Contact:: firstname.lastname@example.org or Facebook page: Talking with the Thabas
*Ashley Thaba is a popular motivational speaker and life coach. She is the author of the well-known books, Conquering the Giants and Dive In, which can be bought at Exclusive Books. She also facilitates corporate team building, wellness activities, and does individual counseling. You can view some of her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba.