The second chapter of Genesis describes in detail the Biblical account of the creation of woman, explaining that God created woman to be a helpmate and companion for man.
After the explanation of how she was formed comes the well-known and quoted verse, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
The original intention of marriage for two people to literally forsake any previous attached relationships and now “cleave” to their spouse becoming “one” person.
Marriage was meant to be a gift God gave man and woman to bless them. However, the reality is few couples experience this oneness and blessings that marriage was intended to create. The New Testament explains that selfishness is one of the big reasons why not.
In our sinful fleshly nature, we tend to do what pleases us. We tend to want our needs met and not care about putting effort into meeting other’s needs.
However, sometimes, it is more complicated than just pure selfishness. Sometimes, marriages lack that matrimonial bliss because the two actually really don’t know what the other person needs. Additionally, many lack the communication skills to properly express how they are feeling and what specific acts would make them feel more loved and supported.
God created man and woman differently in many areas – emotionally, physically, genetically, etc. In many ways, that is what makes marriage exciting. You can spend a life time trying to get to know the other person. The other person has qualities that you admire because things that they find easy don’t come naturally to you.
However, these dissimilarities also create problems because the things that one spouse needs can be so completely different than needs of the other spouse. So different that without proper communication and good education, you literally cannot understand why something that means little to you means so much to the other person. There is a book written called Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus which outlined how sometimes the differences seem so pronounced it is like they are species from different planets.
My husband, Percy, and I read a book early on in our marriage called His Needs/Her needs by Dr. Willard Harley, Jr. In our early years of marriage, it really helped us to understand each other. I want to share those tips with you today. Thousands of people were interviewed and studied to find these are the top 5 needs of most men:
- Sexual fulfillment
- Recreational companionship
- An attractive spouse
- Domestic support
The studies revealed that the top 5 needs of most women are:
- Openness and honesty
- Financial security
- Family commitment
Many couples are not enjoying their marriage to its utmost potential because certain needs are not being met. Sometimes the problem is as simple as an inability to communicate those needs. Sometimes the problem is even when communicated one spouse just is so selfish they
If you are in a relationship and you DO want to get more out of it, I suggest you watch our show this coming Sunday night 7:30 on BTV where we will talk in depth about His needs and Her needs. Audience members ask all sorts of questions that you probably have as well on the topic! I believe once you begin to understand the differences in your spouse and the way he/she thinks, you will begin to understand that the best way to get your needs met is to try meeting their needs.
Let me give you an example. A man complains he doesn’t get sex enough from his wife. A woman complains her husband isn’t open and honest about his life. She asks him questions about his work, his feelings, and life in general and she feels he isn’t opening up to her.
In the absence of an emotional connection to him because she doesn’t feel he trusts her with his life, she feels little desire to open up to him physically by really wanting sex.
She craves good honest conversations that help them bond emotionally. What her man needs to learn is that if he can meet her needs emotionally, then he won’t have to work very hard to get her to WANT to meet his needs sexually! The key is one of you will have to go first! However, most relationships get stuck in the “well, I am not going to give him sex because he never tells me anything about his life. He never is affectionate with me! He only touches me when he wants sex.”
Meanwhile, he is saying, ”she puts no effort into how she looks. We hardly ever have sex. I don’t even want to go home anymore because I know there is there is nothing to look forward to there so why bother even trying anymore. It doesn’t lead anywhere!” If one of them decides to break the cycle and begins to selflessly meet the other person’s needs, you will find it works wonders for the marriage!
Make sure you tune in this Sunday to find out just exactly how to completely transform your relationship and get your needs met in a more fulfilling way! Help us spread the word because I believe this is one episode that you will not want to miss!
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org or Facebook page: Talking with the Thabas
*Ashley Thaba is a popular motivational speaker and life coach. She is the author of the well-known books, Conquering the Giants and Dive In, which can be bought at Exclusive Books. She also facilitates corporate team building and wellness activities. You can view some of her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba.