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What Should The President Focus On

Forget job creation.

Forget corruption. Forget blessers and blessees or whatever the latter species is called. This country is choking under a series of problems that are more serious than a minister who has just lost a primary election.

Leading a country means the president must be as sharp as a flint.

More often than not, however, in Africa we get served such substandard fare that most presidents are only as sharp as a bowling ball.

This can’t be allowed to go on especially in our country which is beset by a plethora of challenges. We really have more problems than a Maths book.

International rankings and highlights project us as a shining example of democracy and all sorts of positives but that lustre will surely be lost if the president does not deal with some of the following issues.

People who mask their mistakes with a cursory ‘it’s a typo’ epilogue need to be dealt with as a matter of urgency. We don’t want that anymore because so many things have gone pear-shaped due to typos.

While typos are acceptable in fake Chinese merchandise and have birthed the likes of Adibas, Niko and Roebok which are actually spoofs of Adidas, Nike and Reebok respectively, they don’t work so well in other facets of our society.

A sign in one of our local malls says ‘Illegally Parked Cars Will Be Fine’. The absence of that ‘D’ at the end resulted in frequent bouts of strife between security guards and the city’s smart Alecs. 

In 1940 the Washington Post ran this headline about President Franklin Delano Roosevelt: “FDR IN BED WITH COED.” He was actually in bed… with a cold.

This would have been perfectly understandable if Monica was in the picture but she wasn’t even born then and her parents hadn’t even met. Well, I still have to confirm the last bit!

John Barge’s 2014 gubernatorial campaign got off to a bad start. His official website featured a photo of the smiling candidate next to the words “John Barge: Georgia’s Next Govenor.” It was supposed to be “Governor.”

Barge, a former teacher, was the Georgia state school superintendent. His explanation: “It’s just a typo. Typos happen.” He lost. America clearly was not ready to have a govenor, sorry governor, who can’t spell his position.

So yes it can’t be ‘just a typo’ and we hope the president will craft a

strategy to deal with this issue. I am envisaging a couple of pitsos and a fully-staffed office complete with a CEO and about five dictionaries and the latest spellchecker software.

While at it the president of the republic will greatly enhance his chances to win the next elections- and I am saying this with a very serious face- by setting up a commission of enquiry on fashion. 

Yes fashion! You know I can live in a country that has frequent power outages, muggings and ill-mannered taxi drivers but I can’t live in a country where people are dressed like idiots and the whole country looks like a huge circus show.

Well, those who know me know that my dress sense hugely contributes to this circus ensemble impression. But I am not happy about it and perhaps with stricter laws I will shed off the embarrassment.

Poor fashion sense is one of the leading causes of our country’s national embarrassment ahead of the NPF scandal, the miscounted Elephants Without Borders and HIV/AIDS.

The ‘muscle’ shirt is designed to be worn by people who have actual discernible muscles, as opposed to rolls of fat large enough to break the falls of world-class pole vaulters.

But men in this country have not read the script. To add salt to injury these men think their armpits are a source of visual pleasure to those around them. These are tragic episodes.

And then there are parents who dress like teenagers. Teenagehood is about dressing, talking and acting ridiculous – that is the sole reason for their existence. This fact seems to be lost to some adults.

So the president should as a matter of urgency create two ministries: Ministry of Typos and Spellcheckers and Ministry of Fashion and Dress Sense.

There’s also the small matter of foreign policy which I think should focus more on inviting presidents from crazed African countries who have their haircuts in Europe.

We really need to see how they look like, ask them a few questions and perhaps even name a toilet block or shebeen after them.

I know many are hoping the president should focus on snore-o-matic issues such as road infrastructure, free ARVs for prisoners, streetlights and Mogoditshane route 4 commuters but these can wait till next elections. We have talked  about them enough. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

(For comments, feedback and insults email

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