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Of Khama’s gifts and sex dolls

Two topics are trending, presently. President Khama’s farewell gifts and sex dolls. Don’t worry, there’s no real relationship between them. Only at a legal, philosophical level.

Now, government is taking from the poor and rich alike under whatever guise it is. Yes, just like the very fire preachers they are persecuting. Except that with government, the whole nation is a fire church. How the ministry responsible for keeping Bushiri out of the country fails to see the parallels is dumbfounding. But I do not complain. It is all about willing givers and willing receivers

I may have my opinions about the morality of the exercise. In fact, I think it has very little to do with bidding people farewell. How do you not find time to tour the whole country during 10 years of rule, but somehow manage to cover the entire country within the last six or so months of leaving office? It is more about gifts than anything else. Well, it’s a free country. That is my opinion.

Truth be told, I would consider it my business if children were involved or vulnerable people were pressured into giving. And I would be very suspicious if it was a new occurrence. But every President we have had has cashed out, fire-preacher-style at the end of their term in office. So spare me the hullabaloo about the poor being robbed. The President never reached for anyone’s pocket. The rich and poor, alike are the ones falling all over each other to put something inside his already overflowing pockets.

Again, as usual, those giving are not complaining. It is the stingy and cynical who feel that they have a monopoly of thought over what others should do with their own money and property. Don’t tell me the burly, cattle baron from Gantsi who gives 20 heifers to His Excellency is an idiot. For all I care, he may be. But please, dont tell me you have a right to suggest how he should spend his cattle. Stop moralising over other people’s giving. Show us how to give properly by giving your own. Your priorities aren’t their priorities.

And then again, it is the same thing everywhere, really. When my national service ended in 1995, I got lots of gifts from the village folk in Mmathubudukwane. Just so you understand why, I was one of the few who did not impregnate the local girls.

 I guess it is different, however, with police and army chiefs. When police and army chiefs sign off, swearing constables and privates form a beeline to pawnshops to raise contributions for their Land Cruisers and tractors. The systems say it’s voluntary but they lie big. Its extortion at a king-size scale. It is

all at the pain of career damnation. Which explains why the contributions aren’t anonymous.

If same were voluntary, why don’t they just open a motshelo account, tell the poor cops and soldiers the account number and we see what they get at the end of it all. I swear they won’t collect enough to get the gentlemen across the next street. This is invariably the same guy the rank and file blame for not bettering their working conditions. Now they are required to celebrate him at personal expense and the money is demanded in their hands. Give me a break.

But then, morality is one thing. Law is another. When the two collide, fireworks are inevitable. I am told that the leader of the opposition has threatened President Khama with prosecution for receiving gifts from the citizenry. I understand. There will be no opposition president for the forseable future. It is safe to pretend not to appreciate presidential gifts. Again, when the opposition is in power, and we have the presidency changing hands every second week because of infighting, Batswana may not be able to keep up with demands for gifts.

I want to sign off on another moral point; the subject of sex dolls. I hear they are here but I think my friends lie. Assumedly, they are a perfect replacement for women, which again, I think is another big lie. Vibrators never permanently replaced men and I hear that there is one in every second handbag in town.

Realistically, there are more grounds why womenfolk would opt for dolls than why men would. They would not be a far departure from their reality. I have encountered more men who are dummies than women and the most useless fraction of society is expressed in my gender.

Maybe I will get to see a doll soon. I said see, not use. That is if possession of sex dolls would not be in violation of Section 178 of the Penal Code. The section proscribes the production or trade in objects that corrupt public morals. Truth is, if sex dolls are illegal, then vibrators too. Many women would go to jail, leaving their men in undisturbed coetal bliss with herd-boys. 

Dolls may be upon us after all unless the police and the DPP takes the view that they are illegal. Our tolerance limits are bound to be tested. Is it the duty of the State to regulate coitus with dummies? Whatever the answer, court would be very interesting with all shapes of exhibits. See you there, friends. Lord, have mercy.


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