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My Gay Confessions

Dear reader please be patient and tolerant as you read part of my personal diary. I lost my family through my confessions and I hope you will not be tempted to disown me too.

From fear of losing my pastor who has a tremendous role over my life, the only man I trust, who is so against homos and has no idea I am gay, I will not disclose my name

I am a homosexual youth from Mmadinare Village in Botswana.  I realised I was gay at a very tender age. I was that boy who played mum when other boys played dads at Mantlwaneng. I could not understand when other boys mocked me.

To be precise I was certain there was something wrong with me the day I had my first wet dream just like any other male out there. My dream was not with a girl as is the norm. As I grew older I found myself trying hard to fit into a society that totally despised people like me. What was worse was being raised by a father who, whenever he saw two males hugging on TV would find all sorts of vulgar, discriminatory, opposing and disgusting words to throw at them. This made my life even more miserable.  I had nobody to talk to. There were times I felt like committing suicide. What did I do to be born like this? I did not choose this sexual orientation.

There were days when I thought I could change my life. I tried to learn to love a woman to impress my society. I did not care about my happiness all I wanted was to fit in. Alas! I only brought misery and pain to the poor lady.

 I could not even look at her; there were times I felt like she was taking my role as the woman of the house. Our home was a home of visceral war. I never mentioned it to her but I am sure she could tell I hated her more than anything. I could not stand the thought of going home to see her; her hugs and her breath disgusted me.

For your information I have never committed any crime in my life.  I am a volunteer at an orphanage near where I live. I think I should give a brief

elucidation on what a homosexual person is. Most of you believe that being gay is a choice like waking up and saying today I want to be gay. If you assume this is how it works, definitely you are wrong. Research reveal that a homosexual can be categorised into two; scientific and spiritual.

The Christian Bible defines a demon as a spiritual being that cannot be seen with a naked eye. If one is possessed by it, it takes over his soul, it controls how he thinks, sees, and behaves. It is there to destroy him.

Just like that drug addict or murderer who behaves in a way that society perceives as immoral, the Bible describes this as demon possessed and one needs spiritual help to depart from that demon. Homosexuals also face the same challenge.

It was traumatic to see a 15 year old girl say she was a 150 years old man. My pastor told the congregation that that was a demon, one of the devil’s agents. The demon went to the extent of admitting that it had made the poor girl a lesbian. Some of these things are beyond human beings comprehension I guess that is why Jesus Christ said we should not judge because no one knows why a person may be behaving that way.

The first time I heard an unbeliever like my dad calling on the name “Jesus” for rescue, was the same day we both saw a lady confessing on the Oprah Winfery  Show that she had gone through a transsexual procedure. This was the lady who was born with both the female and male sex organs. Yes, there are these kinds of people in Botswana.

 Please understand me very well; I am not saying being gay is right. The Bible I read every day is against this. The reason I disclose part of my diary is because I want to kindly ask those who hate and discriminate against homosexuals to help instead of opposing them. I did not choose this life. Please do not kill us; some of us are already dead in our parent’s eyes.




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