Aims and objections
The fellows at the Nitty Gritty have made modest progress in the formation of the association for men's rights. They have at least agreed on the name, the chairperson and the treasurer. In fact, as I report to you right now, dear esteemed reader whose right to information I will not violate, the chairperson, who is also the treasurer, is addressing the fellowship. He is on his feet and is saying with authority;
"We have agreed on the aims and objections of our association. I will pass them around as we take a short break for refreshments, and then we can put a stamp on them and move ahead with this great task of ours. Af hou, majitas?"
OBJECTION 1: We the men of "Tsogang Banna Julle Bliksem" object to the whole overwhelming burden of manhood that has been thrust on our shoulders by the society.
A voice that sounds very much like that of Walkie, is heard in the background, saying:
"What about the one that has been put between your legs?"
Ausi Maggie responds teasingly; "No, that one is not a burden surely. Not a heavy one anyway!"
AIM 1: Our aim is to work hard to rid of this burden called MANHOOD that has been imposed on us by tradition, culture and society. We believe it is the cause of all the problems that men face in Botswana today.
And the women cry: "Oh, dear, what are we going to do without the "HOOD" in our MAN?"
OBJECTION 2: We deplore the tendency by our society to pressure men into marriage even when there is no marriage to speak of.
"Ijaa jaa! O sule tsala yame! You are going to stay single forever. Nna at least I was married once," says Ausi Maggie.
"Ya, but the bugger left you for a maid, remember? So, re tshwana fela nna le wena! We are both manless,"replies Walkie without any bitterness whatoever. "And the dish ran away with the spoon. Or should I say the bitch ran away with the fool!"
AIM 2: We intend to resort to our rights as men to remain single if we so wish. Single men have a right to be respected. We will marry only when we want to.
OBJECTION 3: Why should men always make the first move towards courtship, dating or marriage just so that they can be denied, refused or rejected?
AIM 3: We are going to sit back and encourage all men to sit back, so that women should approach us if they want us. We also want the right of first refusal or first rejection.
"Hei, ke gore motho a
But Ausi Maggie is not moved. "Nna kana at my age, all the men I want are either married or living with someone. In my case it won't be approaching, it will be more like poaching to be precise!"
"Ya, that's ok also. Then you can approach to poach!"
OBJECTION 4: We strongly object to this thing of not being allowed custody of our own children even when we can show that we are in a better position to look after them than their mothers.
"What? You mean you fellows want to be paternal mothers? Or is it maternal fathers?"
AIM 4: We plan to set up a legal aid clinic to support men in their legal custody battles.
OBJECTION 5: We abhor men who sexually harass women. We hate men who rape women and other men.
AIM 5: At the same time we intend to make it known to all women all over the world that we reserve the right to be pinched on the buttocks in a long queue to break the monotony of standing in line. We also reserve the right to be stroked gently on the bald patch while sitting in the combi or bus by taller women, to ease the tension.
We certainly have no problem with being accidentally bumped into by bumptuous women in a crowded supermarket while rushing for a trolley.
We reserve the right to be winked at by women, as long as the winking woman is not physically and strategically positioned next to a male structure otherwise termed a husband, boyfriend, bodyguard or killer!
OBJECTION 6: We absolutely and totally object, in the strongest language possible, to being always expected to pay for things and build things and deliver things on behalf of women we hardly know. We have a right as men to be poor, broke and indigent, and even miserly.
"Ijoo, ba gaketse batho ba gago Maggie! Re a go bechediwa ke bo mang jaanong? I'm thinking of all the lay-byes that I made last month!" says Walkie in a mock-serious tone.
AIM 6: We pledge to start saving all our money and forming an investment club for the association of men.
No more entertainment allowances and secret accounts or slush funds that our partners are not aware of. All sex will be negotiated orally.
" I'm sure you mean verbally!"
"That signals the end of prostitution!" Ausi Maggie smiles.