I have overheard some women say they prefer foreign men because they are more loving and faithful. I don’t know if that’s true.
From personal experience and observing acquaintances relationships and marriages, I can attest that black men, particularly Batswana, aren’t typically romantic. My partner, several male friends and colleagues, are Batswana, so I have summed up that much.
Many women’s weakness is their love for fiction realities. I blame those thick dreamy romance novels and woman magazines written by singletons, as well as those mushy soapies. They feed off a mythical and unrealistic perception of life.
It’s natural to have dreams of meeting a lovely partner, settling down, having lots of babies and living happily ever after, white picket fence and all, but very few people have it that easy.
In real life, things happen and there are always challenges and changes. Besides, in life love is just not enough. You need to consider the practicalities of life. Do you share values and dreams? Do you get along and understand each other to the point of living together? How does that person fit among your friends and family? What does s/he bring to the table? Do they fulfill your personal desires and preferences? Etc. You get the drift. ..
Anyways, back to romance, or the lack of... From the way some local men approach women, it’s clear that some of them don’t have ‘game’. Most of us women are familiar with men who make uncouth passes like whistle calls, shouting things like ‘Ekse’ or make that irritating ‘Pssssst’ sound!
Even when a man is serious and confidently approach you, sometimes he’ll say the craziest things ever. Ke nna ke bona majita ba inanatha ba itoma diteme. Sometimes, humour just settles the nervousness, gents!
I have realized that Botswana is a gender polarized society. When you hang out with, or talk to the opposite sex, it’s assumed that there’s a romantic or sexual liaison going on. Worse, when like me, you’re amiable and friendly.
I have learned one notable lesson about some local men... When you give a man your cell phone number, it’s like you are saying ‘Yes’ to him; sometimes even when he hasn’t proposed. Wena o tla utlwa fela motho a go bitsa ‘baby’ and you think: Uhu, “baby”?! The problem is that some people are lustful and confuse the feeling with love. Banging and loving’ are two worlds apart!
Since the ‘ke a go rata’ approach is out fashioned, I understand many men ride on the wave of pretending to be well-off. The common assumption is that local women are gold diggers. Look, even I don’t see anything attractive about a broke and frustrated man, but I know that many decent women aren’t solely looking for a ‘sponsor’.
There are many women who are willing to stick with a man from his days of living off fat cakes, to when he can afford delicacies sushi and play around in his own Jacuzzi. Sometimes, men pass a chance with good women because they are busy trying to unnecessarily impress them.
Nowadays men charm women with affections and gifts. It can be financially costly, and emotionally taxing because there you are, trying to impress and please someone you don’t even know; which may turn them off!
We sometimes misjudge people or put too much effort into trying to change them. It’s always best to take it easy, and be honest. If someone doesn’t like the real you, then you are better off without them anyways, don’t you think?!
That said, our men may not be the Barry White voiced, Luther Vandross songs playing types who surprise you with flowers (what are we supposed to do with them anyways, since we can’t eat or wear them?!), a candle-light dinner on a hilltop, or state their love daily, but they have their own way of showing love.
For one he’ll probably ensure that go na le seshabo le melora. He may proudly show you off as the best of “the lot” and give you the stature of his family name. He may not be a flawless perfect Prince, but he’s an OK Shaka Zulu. When you’re faced with danger, he’ll act macho and chest puffed out try his best to protect you.
How’s that for Tswana romance? Rural swag loving right there!